It's official now. I announced it a little while ago, but as of yesterday, I'm an actual Microsoft employee.

I flew down to Dallas for my New Employee Orientation, which basically consisted of people trying to feed me free Coke. The rest of the time was taken up by going over my health insurance policy ("...and you may make a claim provided the cost of the procedure is more than $42.98, unless it happens to be a full moon or a Thursday, in which case you have to roll this one-hundred sided die, take the number you roll, and then multiply it by what we call the 'sucker' factor, etch the result backwards on the surface of a one-ton limestone disk, cover your face in chicken blood, and, using the ancient tongue, invoke the god of..." (and so on)).

It was cool. Not because I understand my health insurance policy now, but because it marked the point in my life when I finally joined the ranks of a company I grew up with (I still don't understand the health insurance policy, to be totally honest (although I'm told it's the best in the industry, and I don't doubt it (and it sure beats the emergency "use this in case your head falls off and you need to have it sewn back on" insurance that I have right now))).

And, speaking of health insurance, I damn near needed it tonight. I'm in Florida right now (explanation forthcoming), and while walking back to the hotel, I turned a corner and encountered this ghastly beast:

I am become Death, destroyer of worlds...

As God is my witness (OK - we all know I don't believe in God, but I can still use the expression), this sucker was about three feet tall, stained with the blood of victims whose reflexes were slower than mine, and ready to leap onto my face at any second. The picture you see above is the scene after I paralyzed the monster with several shots from my trusty dart gun (which I always bring when I'm out nerding).

I would have taken photographs of the cow and buffalo carcasses nearby, all of which were utterly drained of blood (could have been el Chupacabra), but I had the digital camera experience equivalent to running out of film: I ran out of space on my CF card. So, better luck next time. For now, though, you're just going to have to take my word for it about the carcasses. It was nasty.

When I got back to the apartment, I did some internetting and found that what I had encountered (and bested, I might add!) was none other than a female example of the Golden Silk Spider, also known among some dorky spider collecting circles as Nephila Clavipes, which is Latin for "Holy sh*t, keep that freaky ass spider away from my cat."

Anyway, as I mentioned, I'm in Florida. That's because Paul Murphy, my boss, sent me down here to shadow Russ Fustino during a couple MSDN shows. Russ is an excellent presenter, and it's been commonly agreed upon that I could learn a thing or two from him.

We're heading for Miami tomorrow. I have had six hours of sleep since Sunday, but I don't really mind because this kicks some big bootay. Kicking off my first week at Microsoft in Florida is not a bad way to begin things.

Unless you count the spider thing that tried to attack me...

After Blog Mint [?] :

It was nice to meet you, too, Marko :)