so an ASS took your d*ck? Is there something you're trying to tell us Rory?

and does Kori know about this?

Luke -

"so an ASS took your d*ck? Is there something you're trying to tell us Rory?"

That's funny - I hadn't even thought about it that way :)

But, then again, I'm not *SICK*.

Stop that, it hurts when I laugh this hard. OMG.

egads, Rory!

Couple points of potential interest.

1. Last month, some whacko was evidently displeased with the airport screening process, too. And instead of taking it without complaint, he decided to give the wander a wand of his own. See http://abcnews.go.com/wire/US/ap20040714_562.html for the gruesome details.

2. Beware of the SSSS at the bottom of your aticket. This means you're going to be pulled into the "special room," and have "special" things done to you (similar to Rory's experience). I think the federal airport check-in software performs some fairly simple analysis on flight patterns and places this there if you're suspicious. (I got this on my one way trip moving out to WA; I had also flown back and forth from MA to WA twice in the month prior for my MS interview/house-hunting activities. I got it again on a one way ticket I purchased coming home from Colorado recently.)

Rory, obviously this story is an exaggeration but it sounds like something did happen to you during some airport security event that pissed you off, no? A lot of people were pissed off and hurt when 9/11 happened. As a result we all live in a world that involves much more security. Maybe next time you are in a similar situation you should think about the 3000 people who lost their lives on 9/11.

They often stick you with an SSSS if you're on a one-way ticket. I usually get hassled flying into Seatle because I leave from one airport, and return to a different one of a different carrier (I'm awkward like that).

It's a totally stupid reason to check people, either make it random, don't do it, or do it to everyone.
The inconsistencies in aiport security, STILL, drive me nuts.
I did however find one airport guard who also found the fact that he was the fourth person to check my boarding pass in about 10 yards as stupid as I did.
He shrugged and said "I know, but thats what they've told me to do, so.."

I'm thinking of taping it to my head next time, it'll be easier than dealing with that, my bag,my laptop etc as I wonder whether they'll want me to take my non-beep inducing shoes off on this trip.

glad you got out ok Rory..

Well - aside from the missing parts bit, obviously.

Joe -

"I think the federal airport check-in software performs some fairly simple analysis on flight patterns and places this there if you're suspicious. (I got this on my one way trip moving out to WA"

That's interesting - my trip was a one way from Miami. I wonder if that has anything to do with it.

Also, when they decided they were going to screen me, the assifer asked, "Do you like traveling, sir?"

Seemed like a weird question.

I said, "I used to."

"You used to? When?"

"Before all of this [sweeping hand to indicate the general area in which he worked]"

That probably didn't help.

Matt -

"As a result we all live in a world that involves much more security. Maybe next time you are in a similar situation you should think about the 3000 people who lost their lives on 9/11."

Americans kill each other each year several times over the numbers that resulted from 9/11.

In other words, we are *much* more dangerous to ourselves than terrorists are.

Why, then, am I not equally inconvenienced outside airports?

It's been demonstrated that aircraft can be used as weapons. However, you could turn just about *anything* into a weapon. Why aren't I screened like this before getting into my car? Why doesn't anybody frisk me before I get on the bus?

It's a big show. I wouldn't argue that airport security isn't important, but I *would* argue that what we're seeing is not a rational reaction to 9/11.

Rory,
“Americans kill each other each year several times over the numbers that results from 9/11”

True, but not by flying airplanes into buildings or into the ground.

I don’t think it is possible to perform security screening before driving you car or getting on a bus. But maybe if you rent a large truck and try to drive it close to a financial institution you will get a security screening.

“I wouldn't argue that airport security isn't important, but I *would* argue that what we're seeing is not a rational reaction to 9/11.”

How would you change the airport screening process? What should our reaction be? I think we are doing what we can to make air travel as secure as possible; it is a shame that some people don’t want secure air travel even though it does come at a price.

If someone were to give me a choice of riding on a plane whose passengers had been through a security check as opposed to riding on a plane whose passengers had not been through a security check, I would choose the plane with the security checked passengers, which would you choose?

Personally, I do not see security as an inconvenience.

Matt -

"True, but not by flying airplanes into buildings or into the ground."

Right - rather, by using their hands to strangle each other, cars to run each other over, guns to blow each other's brains out, and so on.

Although the murder rate for the entire country varies, the 15,000 or so people who are murdered each year are often done in through means much less exotic than airplanes being piloted into buildings.

Shouldn't we be more concerned with *that* before we concern ourselves with the obviously possible but unlikely scenario of terrorists hijacking planes and flying them into densely populated areas?

Why do we single out planes?

"How would you change the airport screening process?"

I would probably develop something that would be a compromise between the pre and post 9/11 setups.

Good security should be reasonable. I was stopped once and detained for a few minutes because I had one of those *really* small Swiss Army knives on me. It had a blade that was about an inch long which wasn't particularly sharp.

I found out that day that any such pocket knives are not allowed on flights. That's pretty ridiculous considering how much more effective my car keys or a ballpoint pen would be as weapons, although these items go through just fine.

There are other rules as well - pocket knives aren't the only items that are considered unacceptable - there's a whole list of common items that we aren't allowed to bring on planes.

Think about all the time spent detaining people to question them about miniscule pocket knives and fingernail clippers. Add that up, and you have a *lot* of wasted effort as well as pointless activities that are distracting for the security workers who should be paying attention to much more important matters. We need to get real and accept that pocket knives, fingernail clippers, and other similar items are *not* all that dangerous, and that someone who did intend to use such an item as a weapon could probably get along just fine with any other number of *allowed* items (like said car keys and pen).

It's crazy, it's frustrating, it's a waste of time for everybody involved, and it reeks of actions taken more for image than for effectiveness.

"it is a shame that some people don’t want secure air travel even though it does come at a price."

I hope you aren't implying that I don't want secure air travel.

"If someone were to give me a choice of riding on a plane whose passengers had been through a security check as opposed to riding on a plane whose passengers had not been through a security check, I would choose the plane with the security checked passengers, which would you choose?"

I didn't argue against security checks, did I?

I argued against paranoia.

Very different.

"Personally, I do not see security as an inconvenience."

Welcome to the club.

"Personally, I do not see security as an inconvenience."

Likewise, inconvenience does not necessarily foster a secure environment.

It's like: Oh wow, guys, get this. I went to the airport today, and let me tell you... They have all of these fancy technologies, and they single out random people for body cavity searches, and in general make people feel like fools. And they aren't kidding about the 2 hour thing. You might just miss your flight if you're running late! I felt so safe!!! They even inspected and wanded my pet ferret! Oh, and there was some terrorist guy carrying a box labeled "bomb," but they didn't want to offend the PC people (profiling people that carry bombs is a Bad Thing(tm)) so they chose me randomly for screening. That's the price you pay for safety and security, I guess. Hey, I didn't die on my flight over here, so it must have worked!

(Btw, the ferret thing really happened to my fiancee while moving.)

Rory,

I am glad that we both agree that airport security is important. As I said before I do not have first hand experience with the screening process but as you suggest I am sure it could use some revisions. But at the moment I would rather have some (bad) security as opposed to none at all. I would think that even if the airport screening process got as good as it can possibly get, it will inconvenience a lot of people. But as I said security comes at a price. BTW, the last time I checked the length of a pocket knife it is about the same as length of the blade in a box cutter.

Matt -

"But at the moment I would rather have some (bad) security as opposed to none at all."

I completely agree with you. I never even *implied* anything to the contrary.

"I would think that even if the airport screening process got as good as it can possibly get, it will inconvenience a lot of people."

Yes - any screening process is going to inconvenience a lot of people. That's why it's important to minimize the inconvenience.

The reason airport security is so frustrating right now (and why you see comics like mine and comments like those from others in this thread) is that it's *so* screwed up.

There are plenty of areas where the process could be improved while maintaining safety.

"BTW, the last time I checked the length of a pocket knife it is about the same as length of the blade in a box cutter."

It doesn't matter! My point was that someone who intends to attack somebody else doesn't *need* a pocket knife, or a razor, or a pair of fingernail clippers - last time *I* checked, it was entirely possible to kill people with your bare hands.

Anyway, most of the prohibited items are just ridiculous. I don't know if I'd even be able to defend myself against a team of terrorists armed with nail files simply because I'd be immobilized from the laughing fits. Maybe once I recover, I could attack them with the in-flight meal, which is *much* more dangerous.

When your country is afraid of a small group of people with nail files, fingernail clippers, or pocket knives with toothpicks and tweezers in them, you've got a problem.

Joe -

"Btw, the ferret thing really happened to my fiancee while moving"

That reminds me of a story Jim Blizzard (http://snowstormlife.com/blog) told me recently (not because it involved a ferret, but because it was nuts).

He was passing through security in Boise, and a woman was getting wanded over her *bare feet*. She didn't have any jewelry or adornments of any kind - just plain old feet.

And they were wanding them.

Hello-o-o-ooo-oo-oo-o...

Did they think she was hiding knives in her feet? And that she'd split her feet open during the flight to retrieve them?

Again, I say:

Hello-o-o-ooo-oo-oo-o...

Hi Rory,

Along the same line, read this (and particularly the articles that are pointed to (eh, there is even one from WomensWallStreet ;-)):

http://unmedia.blogspot.com/2004/07/suspicious-things-ive-done-on-airplane.html

I was chatting to someone just the other day and they pulled a pair of scissors out of their laptop bag. They'd just returned from the airport.

Bad security is better than no security?
Urm, I'd assumed because of the security there wouldn't be any scissors on a plane. WRONG!

What we need is a standard, sensible security system with trained, sensible security personel.

What we have now is an embarrasing knee-jerk reaction with is neither standard, nor sensible and is just frustrating and obviously not effective.

I mean they took away metal knifes in first class, and replaced them with plastic (which is a bloody sight sharper if you snap it) but worse than that they left the GLASS glass (Sorry its late) in place.
To quote Rory: Hello-o-o-ooo-oo-oo-o ?!

Thankfully they've stopped leaving the cockpit doors open.

And then what do we hear? http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1053262.html

Ian,

I read the story you linked to. It's obvious the cat was on a suicide mission. These terrorists will stop at nothing, recruiting house pets no less. I'm fully expecting the United States to declare war on all cats any day now. And this time we won't be seeking a permission slip from some "neutral international organization" like th UN...or the SPCA. Screw that. America, love it or leave it...!@#%ing cats.

Okay, kid: this episode of Ass Force made me laugh. You win... for now.

Wow,

And here I thought that Rory’s comic was funny... Little did I realize that it would invoke Flame War III.

(Matt) "Personally, I do not see security as an inconvenience."

Matt, what color is the sky in your world? I have to wonder how many hours I have spent standing in lines at the airport, how many security API's and lines of code have been written to ensure that you are actually who you say you are and that you are allowed to do thing things you think you should be able to do, how many times I've had to find the 3 digit code on the back of my credit card, how many times I've typed my own password. Security is not an inconvenience? Security and convenience are damn near mutually exclusive!

Personally, I find it ironic how much effort is spent ensuring that no one ever blows up an airplane again when in my city one of the major highways goes directly underneath some pretty important buildings. No one ever looks inside the thousands of semi trucks that pass underneath every day or questions the trucks drivers.

I once attended a reading by William Gibson, the legendary Cyber Punk author. In the question and answer portion of the reading a person asked how he came up with his ideas. He stated that when he hears of a new technology he instantly jumps to thinking about how it could be abused. He asked, who would ever have thought that the pager would revolutionize the illegal drug trade making it possible for dealers to be untraceable? Obviously not the inventor!

Transpose this concept onto all of the horrible internet protocols we’re still living with, all of the highways that run under buildings…

My grievance can be summarized by saying that we seem to jump all over the enemy we know and are oblivious to anything else. You will never again be allowed to fly with a complete toiletry kit on an airplane without being scrutinized. No Arab will be permitted to fly one way from Boston to L.A. without a full body cavity search.

Crap, what I really wanted to say was, Rory I liked your comic… I trust you managed to get your member reattached. ;-)

it's the crying at the end of the strip that upset me the most. it went from funny to genuinely distressing - great work!

Who the hell cares about the 15,000 people who kill themselves every year? no one. Thats why the politicans are concentrating on the things people do care about, terrorists. (and in my opinon Bush is doing a pretty good job encouraging middle easterners to become new terrorists, but thats another story).

[QUOTE RORY]
Also, when they decided they were going to screen me, the assifer asked, "Do you like traveling, sir?"

Seemed like a weird question.

I said, "I used to."

"You used to? When?"

"Before all of this [sweeping hand to indicate the general area in which he worked]"
[/QUOTE]

Honestly, it sounds like you deserved what you got, if I was a security guard (whose job must really suck anyway), I'd strip search any smart arses too.

Rory,

I would like to add a note about a recent experience of mine with Airport security.

PLACE: LOGAN AIRPORT (Remember the place that the 9/11 Hijackers left from?)
DATE: July 1st

As I am waiting for my turn with the assifer, I notice that he is going the bag of the woman who is in front of me. He pulls out of her bag a full boxed tableware set.
For a picture go here: http://www.kedaung.com/product/cutlery/hi/104/images/BOX_MM31.jpg
He looks at it AND GIVES IT BACK TO HER.

Next I am asked to take my shoes off, I ask the guy, "Did you seriously just give that woman a Cutlery set to take on board?"

HIM: "I checked her bag out did you?"
ME: "No but I saw you hand her a goddam cutlery set!"
HIM: Something to the effect of dont tell him how to do his job. I was too angry and shocked to recall his actual words.
ME: "That box has KNIVES in it. I cant take my leatherman on board, and you took away my girlfriends nail file. But she gets a FULL CUTLERY SET!!!"

Thats it. Thats all 100% true. I wish I could have taped the whole thing.

I know its a tough job to think about what things are dangerous, but really I mean come on.

IT'S ALL RIDICULOUS!

I think they should check for bombs, guns and knifes with > 2" blade.

Believe me, if anybody tries to take a plane hostage with a box cutter or a toenail clipper again, they are going to get the royal piss beat out of them by the rest of the passengers.

Think about it...

Post 9/11, how many pilots are going to give up command of their planes to some wackjob with a box cutter? The wackjob is going to get the bums rush and a couple of swift judo chops to the noodlekuchen.

What happened on 9/11 was a fluke. It was protocol to give up control to the terrorists, regardless of the severity of the situation. If a terrorist has a bomb or a gun, a subsequent passenger vs. terrorist throwdown puts the plane in jeopardy if the bomb is detonated or the gun is fired. A few slashes from a box cutter aren't going to kill everyone on the plane.

Yeh right, until some nutjob takes a baby hostage with a box cutter. Are you going to be rushing a terrorist then - regardless of whether or not you're all going to die if you don't.

I'd hate to be put in that position...

Josh - scary - but sadly it doesn't suprise me

Sam - then we need decent security at airports, not the joke we have now.

We need to stop people taking sharp things on planes (and stopping explosives would help too), not subject people to the boarding pass gauntlet we have today.
Having a valid boarding pass, checking luggage, and buying a round trip ticket is NOT a problem for a terrorist. Why then is my boarding pass checked 5 times in about 10 yards at the security checkpoint, and why are poeople with no luggage and/or one way tickets singled out for SSSS checks? It ain't random - it happens ALL the time to myself and collegues of mine.

Wanna get scary? check out the FAA's list of what you can take on board:
http://www.tsa.gov/interweb/assetlibrary/Permitted_Prohibited_7_14_2004.pdf

That list includes aerosols and disposible lighters and a book of matches.
Add the two and you have a very nice incendry device or a handy flame thrower.

I agree with you that we need to stop terrorists I just honestly don't believe we're anywhere close to doing so with our current screening system.

And your suggestion that you'd strip search someone for being a smart-arse is an excellent example of why the whole system is screwed up today.

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