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I typically like to post pretty often. At any given time, there are usually about five posts sitting at the tip of my brain, waiting to be typed/scribbled/barfed up into my blog, and my Type-A side likes to get them out.

I've learned, though, that when going through periods of emotional turbulence, I tend to shy away from posting.

The most recent source of emotional mess is that Kori and I are no longer dating, living together, or speaking. We had some rather stressful arguments a couple weeks ago, and finally decided to call it quits. I still love her, and I'm guessing that she still has a thing for me, but there's a point at which you have to just stop and say, "This sucks."

So, we stopped and said, "This sucks." Now I'm going through a bit of separation anxiety, a bit of confusion (I don't think I understand the opposite sex in terms of relationships), and a bit of regret.

When I have problems like this, I tend to go into "input" mode rather than "output" mode. I've been reading a lot. I've been watching a lot of Dr. Who. I've been working on my Latin. Things like that.

I won't be stopping posting, though. I've had problems in the past that have stopped me from posting for several weeks at a time, but I have no intention of doing that again. I'm seeing a shrink this time, and I'm feeling generally good. The posts should come.

It's just that writing tends to make me think about my life, and thinking about my life makes me think about Kori, and thinking about Kori brings one hell of a complicated mass of kooky emotions and thoughts to my head.

Just so you know :) I've become friends with quite a few people through this blog, and figured that some of you might have been scratching your heads, wondering where in the hell that royal jack-ass of a human being, Rory, had gotten off to...

Published Wednesday, September 22, 2004 6:00 PM by Rory

Filed Under:

Comments

 

Andy said:

Well it's nice to see you are back and slowly recovering.
September 22, 2004 6:13 PM
 

Brendan Tompkins said:

Rory,

Man, I've been there in so many ways, it's hard not to let what you're going through give me the gut wrenches... but I have a feeling that it's all good.

"I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.... So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable." - Woody Allen


September 22, 2004 6:40 PM
 

Jason Bunting said:

Does this mean you will be changing the link in your blogroll (aka "My Homies") from "My Girlfriend" to "My Ex-Girlfriend?!?!"
September 22, 2004 7:22 PM
 

DonXML Demsak said:

The key to understanding the opposite sex is to not try to understand them (and this is from a guy that is married and has 2 girls).
September 22, 2004 7:50 PM
 

Mark Freedman said:

Man, that sucks. But more importantly -- who gets the puppy?
September 22, 2004 9:00 PM
 

Si said:

Sorry to hear that Rory. Just console yourself with the fact that she must be mad, obviously
;-)
September 22, 2004 9:29 PM
 

bob said:

As my Latin teacher used to say.

Semper ubi sub ubi.
September 22, 2004 11:51 PM
 

Rory said:

Bob -

"Semper ubi sub ubi."

I do :)

But that's a lot different from what *my* Latin teacher used to say, which was "You're an idiot!"
September 22, 2004 11:56 PM
 

Rory said:

Jason -

"Does this mean you will be changing the link in your blogroll (aka 'My Homies') from 'My Girlfriend" to "My Ex-Girlfriend?!?!'"

Yup. I just haven't done it yet. Too depressing.
September 22, 2004 11:56 PM
 

Rory said:

Mark -

"who gets the puppy?"

She owns the dog. The dog is gone.

Hey! Haiku time!

---

My ex took the dog
No more yippy yappy yip
His poop will be missed

---

Very small canine
Very big mess on the rug
I will clean no more

---

He mounted my arm
He had a harem of limbs
My arm is sad, too

---

Puppy chow ain't cheap
Priced like russian caviar
Should have fed him gold
September 23, 2004 12:04 AM
 

Stuart said:

Absent from your blog
Present in our thoughts. You're our...
Favorite Jackass.

:)
September 23, 2004 1:31 AM
 

Stuart said:

The worst part of all
No more connubial love
Castro will be missed
September 23, 2004 3:38 AM
 

Carl Franklin said:

While you court despair
I am gleaning content for
"Heard on .NET Rocks!"

just kidding
September 23, 2004 3:39 AM
 

Mark Freedman said:

Well, I figured, since you do a lot of travel, that it's the best arrangement for Castro.

But he is a "slipper dog", so you could sneak him onto the plane by wearing him on your feet...nah, wouldn't work, since they'd check the dog (footwear) for explosives.

I'm hoping you get back to speaking terms, so you could at least arrange for visitation rights.

All kidding aside, good luck. My wife and I broke up for a month after going out a year. We got back together, married 3.5 years later, and have been married for over 20 years now, still on our honeymoon, so you never know.
September 23, 2004 3:57 AM
 

Yet another Rory's blog reader said:

Cheer up Rory. There's so much more in life to look forward to. Have fun in whatever you do!

September 23, 2004 4:50 AM
 

John said:

Rory, don't forget to look on the bright side: you're single again! ;)

I'm making waffles!

John.
September 23, 2004 6:56 AM
 

John said:

Btw: It's easy to understand the opposite sex. Women are just men that you can aspire have sex with.

(Assuming one is heterosexual, and male, etc.)

John.
September 23, 2004 6:58 AM
 

anonymouse said:

Anyone who can invent the lines:

"He mounted my arm
He had a harem of limbs
My arm is sad, too"

will never fall upon hard times... you owe me for a new keyboard after the accident with the drink... :-)
September 23, 2004 12:23 PM
 

Michael Earls said:

You just described how I felt every Sunday night for the first 15 weeks of marriage. It gets better if you can find any way at all to work it out.

Good luck. If you have any feelings for her, get back together. We've found that some of the hardest challenges (ok, fights) that we've had have ended up making us stronger. Of course, we had to actually get through them first - and that SUCKED.

Good luck.

See you at XML DevCon.
September 23, 2004 12:27 PM
 

Anonymous said:

Never let this happen to you again:

Make a list of what you want in a woman.
REALLY be honest with yourself.
DO NOT date any woman that does not at meet at least 90% of the list.

Like my mom always says,
"You have to be the right person for her, and she has to be the right person for you."

P.S. Try to fit in good cook on the list. I forget to all that to mine and I've been eating some pretty crappy food for the last 7 years.
September 23, 2004 8:39 PM
 

sarchi said:

posted
September 23, 2004 11:47 PM
 

Greg Low said:

Hi Rory,

Hope you're doing ok.

NEVER look back though. Move on, there's a cool world out there.

Regards,

Greg
September 24, 2004 12:25 AM
 

robdelacruz said:

I'm not a psychiatrist but based from experience and your posts, it sounds like you may have a mild case of bipolar disorder (also known as manic-depressive). I like what you said about 'input' and 'output' modes. Take advantage of the down periods as it gives you the advantage of the input mode. The best ideas are found under extreme duress.

The nice thing about the bipolarity is that you can take advantage of the extreme highs. This is where you get the most productive work done. The thoughts on Kori will not completely go away but will hang on long enough to motivate you to do things you would not ordinarily do. You may not understand the true meaning until many months or years pass.

I have this theory that depression is caused by infinite thought loops going around in the brain (ex. the complicated mass of kooky emotions). They consume massive amounts of CPU time that can result in system lag. You have to unclog the loops, get rid of the inefficient processes. These depressive thought loops are not real but to the person thinking of them they are very much so. Get some aerobic exercise, read books (but not relationship books), and listen to music.
September 24, 2004 7:21 AM
 

Anonymous said:

Holy crap. I thinking the same thing about Rory have a mild case BiPolar, but I thought posting here was just simply the wrong thing to do. Not that the bottle is uncorked I want to chime in.

I think the stress of not having a job for a brief period time would kick it off, but now he is doing great. Why add to his list of stressors?

My advice about the manic depression thing:

Don't drink
Take B12 and D daily
Always get a full nights sleep even if you have to take 1/2 a Tylenol PM
Reduce stress by finding a good woman
Use polarized sunglasses

You're functioning ok now so screw it. If not, buy the BiPolar Survival Guide.

Do you get tired in the winter and hyped up in the summer? Do you get anxious or experience anxiety attacks? How are your sleeping patterns?

It is Catch 22. Am I feel low because I just broke up with my girlfriend or did you break up with your girlfriend because you felt low?

Also, the twenties just simply suck!!! What a stressful time!
September 24, 2004 9:26 PM
 

John said:

I'm not a psychiatrist but I play one on the Internet.

Here, take the red pill.
September 25, 2004 8:13 AM
 

Scott Galloway said:

I'm also not a psychiatrist, but I did train as a clinical psychologist. Bipolar is a bit of a strange one, having Bipolar disorder at a clinical level is very different to what everyone experiences in the course of an normal year - we all have periods where our mood is elevated and those where it's depressed, the trick is learning to accept that and deal with in in our own way. Same goes for disodrders like OCD - everyone has 'habits' or things we do to make ourselves feel better (in fact our Neurochemistry and psychologies pretty much demand it - it's a survival technique). What most of us don't have though is someone to talk to about these things in an honest, non-judgemental manner that's an incredibly valuable thing. Rory, I think you're totally doing the right thing talking to someone about how you feel - it's a big step to take. I do have an aversion to psycoactive drugs (but then Psychologists always tend to anyway) - such substnaces I feel should be a last resort and can be too widely prescribed in a world looking for quick fixes. Anyway, sorry for rambling on, hope you feel better Rory.
September 25, 2004 7:42 PM
 

kuhnbr said:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning in song
Scribbling on the sky the message She Is Gone,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

She was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one:
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods:
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
September 27, 2004 9:00 PM
 

girlwithfarawayeyes said:

Does this mean you're finally going to give another girl a chance?

How I've longed for this moment.
September 27, 2004 11:16 PM
 

Rory said:

"Does this mean you're finally going to give another girl a chance?"

That, my dear, is complicated :)

It could be said that I'm a tad confused at the moment about life 'n girls 'n things 'n stuff.

It isn't to say that the answer is "no," but simply that I really don't know what I want right now...
September 27, 2004 11:52 PM
 

girlwithfarawayeyes said:

I'm willing to wait. ;>
September 28, 2004 10:44 PM
 

.Net Wanna Be said:

I'm not a psychiatrist but I've looked at a lot of porn on the Internet.

Lets look at some of the positive things:

- The TV remote ... all yours.
- The toilet seat ... stand up, be proud and leave the damn seat anyway you want, hell, rip the whole seat off.
- What you wear around the house/apt ... what ever the hell you want. Finally you can wear your fav bunny slippers without fear of ridicule.
- Need to scratch, burp, fart ... go right ahead.
- Taking out the garbage ... well, you'll still do it but now you can do it because you want to not because you have to.

Rory, it's better than you think. Ride the wave for a while and enjoy.

Cheers

(oh ya, try to get laid every now and then)

September 29, 2004 6:42 PM
 

Dan F said:

Bugger
Chin up
You'll survive
Its not the end of the world
Plenty more fish in the sea
[Insert emptyt platitude here]

Hope you're feeling OK Rory. I'm going thru a break up myself at the moment. Sucks, eh?
September 30, 2004 1:42 AM
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