large brown poodle owned by equally poofy and neurotic person.

person feeds poodle on sidewalk, mid-day.

while poodle dines on the luxurious brick sidewalk, the owner notices:

1. A ribbon still stuck in the dog's hair from a trip to the groomer last year, which they then snip out with scissors, as they are neurotic.

2. A small problem at the other end of the dog, perhaps a result of improper diet. Having the scissors out already, the owner just snips the mess away too...

...but in doing so, pokes the dog in the hiney with the scissors, and so, causes it to run off, leaving the remainder of its meal there.

From the evidence provided, I can only logically conclude that one or more of the following items/events were included in the processing of producing the said artifacts:

1) A bent fork
2) A ritualistic sacrific of a four-legged virgin
3) Ice cream
4) A barbie doll
and/or
5) Big foot

Oh, I forgot one thing: a pair of army-issued boots.

Damn it, she said she'd clean up when we were done!

You can't leave something like this to rank amatures. You need Columbo or Matlock or the lady who was the voice of the teapot in Beauty and the Beast.

All I know is that it's not going to end up being a pretty story. Think about it, partially eaten dog food and a spoon.... Nasty.

Are you sure there was a spoon Rory? I don't see it..

I suspect that there is no spoon.

Woman coughs up large hairball and in the process she spills her bowl of dog food and the spoon she was eating it with.

It needs a pitching wedge, some ice cubes, and a buffalo...live or stuffed...preferably stuffed.

I think I know what happened...

You ever see Manimal? (http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/ShowMainServlet/showid-2154/Manimal/)

Picture the scene. you're a dog (for now). You decide to go have a bit of a pampering session, kinda like the canine version of a massage. In the process you get a ribbon. Makes you look nice, sets off your eyes nicely, you've just had a haircut, why not?

What sets off a bit of a massage better than a quick drink. So down to the boozer you go. get yourself a pint, but wait, what's this? Due to your reduced body mass (being a dog, rather than a man), this pint goes straight to your head. One beer and you're slaughtered. So what do you do? The only thing that makes sense at a time like that. You go for a kebab.

Only because you're a dog, the kebab man won't serve you. So you do what any drunk person does in those situations. You root around until you find something edible. Now, being a dog, that happens to be dry dog food. Who cares if it's a bit damp. It's still good.

HOWEVER. Half way through your impromptu feast, your animal/man changing powers falter. you are, after all, drunk enough to eat some old dog food you just found. As your powers wane, and your head starts groing to man-size from dog-size, the ribbon that the nice man in the pet beautician gave you gets torn from your now much larger head, falling to the floor next to your meal.

As the change finishes, you stumble to your feet, wondering why there's a funny taste of dog food in your mouth, before stumbling off into the night, presumably to go home and get some clothes on, shaking your head as you go.

Where does the other pile of hair come from? Well, do you ever find that every time you go to get a hair cut, you end up (no matter how tightly they wrap you in that shroud thing) that your t-shirt always fills up with hair bits? Well, imagine that, but with a dog's shaggy coat, rather than just a cotton shirt...

That's what I tihnk anyway. I might have just dreamt the whole thing, though...

Jeeze man, it's pictures like these that take me back the days of my youth! I sure miss me old mum.

Um never mind, ok.

Here's the scenario: Shortly after my grandmother died (due to the lack of help of a certain person who shall remain nameless), I shaved off a few locks of her back and chest hair. I was eating the rest of her banana hospital pudding (with a hospital spoon)(she's dead right? F&#k her, I'm eating me some pudding!) when I started to feel remorse for having a lil "inappropriate intimacy" with her dead body when I threw up the dog food I ate for breakfast, dropped the spoon and the hairy reminder of my crime, and ran crying all the way home.

Hole in pet-friendly hair salon trash bag.

I've seen this before, last time i was playing 'Sam and Max hit the road' infact.

http://www.armory.com/~grafter/samquote.html

This, friends, is an escaped bigfoot alright.

riki

Looking at such a tasty spread, someone must have come by and started lopping away at it. Obviously they used a spoon. Otherwise it would be sick.

one word: clouds

lol... why is that the smart ones are always so nuts?