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Ring Shopping and the Marriage Gene

As you all know, I work very hard not to offend, but sometimes I want to talk about subjects which might inadvertently lead me down a path resulting in broad, sweeping generalizations about an entire phylum, species, or…

gender.

I’ve learned a lot about women since successfully proposing to one of them on a tropical island a couple weeks ago.

Ever since, she’s been engaging in strange and private rituals of a mysterious nature. I’ll walk into the room (which happens a lot – my apartment only has one room, so you can’t help but walk into it fairly often), and I’ll see a lighting-quick blur in the corner - a swirling maelstrom of space and time which settles after a nanosecond to be replaced by my fiancée, Aydika, in a chair, looking up at me with those, “Nothing! I wasn’t doing anything!” eyes, which is just the less obvious way of saying “Everything! I was doing everything!”.

She had never done this sort of thing before, but this scene became a regular occurrence following the symbolic lassoing of engagement. I am now utterly convinced that marriage is something which lives happily in our DNA, and that there is a special female Marriage Gene which is switched on at the time of engagement. It changes the nature of the woman, and leads her to do things that even she might find odd.

At first, I didn’t know what was going on with these blurs of activity, but after a few such incidents, I started putting the pieces together.

A clue here, and a clue there – what she wouldn’t tell me, I was able to learn through observation.

The first thing I saw was a magazine that she had stowed in her backpack, which she had left open and against the wall. The magazine was right on top. At first, I thought it was a publication for pastry enthusiasts, but upon closer inspection realized that the large cream-puffy thing on the cover was actually a woman in her bridal gown, smiling at the camera on what she was pretending (pretending because she was just a model) was the happiest day of her life.

Then, more and more, I saw other similar things around the apartment: Bridal magazines stuffed in the middle of other stacks of magazines, bridal magazines placed in the corners of rarely visited cupboards, bridal magazines in the freezer, and then it hit me – There were bridal magazines all over the god damned place. They were like cockroaches, except that they typically didn’t scamper when I switched on the light or eat my cereal while I was sleeping.

Turns out that these quick movements in the corner were Aydika swiftly hiding one of her bridal magazines before I got a chance to spot her with it.

I wondered what all the secrecy was about. I mean, I’m happy we’re getting married, so I’d like to take part in the bridal magazine perusing.

One day when she was gone, I picked up one of these magazines and flipped through it. Five minutes passed, and I suddenly realized that I hadn’t seen a single article – it was a 200 page ring/gown ad.

My hands began to tremble. An ache began in a distant place… Below the chin… Off to the side… Around my… No, it wasn’t my heart… Further down… There we go… Further… Further…

Eureka! My wallet was crying…

I could barely hear it: A soft, distant, high-pitched whimpering, like a dog with its head down and its tail between its legs, expecting a scolding for having eaten all the toilet paper and then pooped it up later (which, when you think about it, is kind of efficient – the stuff wipes all by itself on the way out – but I digress).

In spite of the protestations of my checking account, I’m willing to accept some financial pain. I knew what I was getting into when I asked her to marry me, and that there are certain traditional obligations, and that things like rings rank at the top.

We talked a bit about the ring, and that began a whole new series of furtive activities.

Aydika began coming home late, and leaving at strange times.

“Where are you going?” I’d ask.

“Oh, I just have a few errands to run.”

It all sounded innocent enough.

Come the weekend, I learned something about what was going on.

“Let’s go for a walk today,” Aydika said.

As a geek, I’m innately averse to using my legs to get anywhere, but she asked so sweetly and so innocently that I agreed.

We passed by some familiar spots, stopped for tea on the way, and enjoyed each other’s company in a manner familiar to the both of us.

But then we turned a corner, and I understood the purpose of the walk.

“Oh, my!”

Aydika feigned surprise, although she didn’t know that I knew that she was a feigner.

“Look! A jewelry store!”

I could see that. A jewelry store is definitely what it was.

“They might have rings!” she added.

That’s true. They might.

“Do you think they’d have anything you’d want? Do we even know anything about choosing an engagement ring?” I asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. But I’ve learned a lot from reading my magazines. I bet we could find something, or at least get some ideas. But I’ve never been into one of these stores, so I don’t know what to expect.”

I was down for a little window shopping and research, so I agreed to go in.

We walked through the door, and the entire store stopped at once.

“AYDIKA!!!”

The employees were in a state of absolute bliss. I heard the popping of champagne corks in every corner, balloons fell from the ceiling, Mexican fireworks were set off, a crystal flute for the fermented berries was shoved into Aydika’s right hand, and then she was escorted over to a glass case by several jewelers, leaving the ol’ Rodawgg at the doorway, alone and forgotten.

Following along, I tried to squeeze my way through the throng of drooling diamond peddlers, hearing bits and pieces of different conversations on the way…

“…but he says that the sapphires won’t arrive from our African operation until the 3rd…”

“…these are what you wanted, right? We can still go with platinum if you don’t think these are nice enough…”

“…it’s going to take longer than expected because the boat sank off the coast of India, and took the stones with it, but it’s OK because we can just add that to the bill and move along without a delay…”

“…they’ve never seen a ruby of this size, so they’re hiring a special team of elite German engineers to build a device with which to cut it…”

My wallet transitioned from its quiet whimper into a full-blown sob. If it had any hands at all, it would have cradled its face (which it also didn’t have) in them.

A half hour and two bottles of bubbly later, we left the store.

“Friends of yours?” I asked.

“That was strange, wasn’t it?” she answered. “They probably treat everybody like that.”

“But they knew your name, like you had been there before.”

“Yeah – Like I said: strange.”

Hey, Paul – Can I get a raise, please?

Published Sunday, April 10, 2005 7:42 PM by Rory

Filed Under:

Comments

 

Ingo Rammer said:

Been there, seen that. About 8 months ago. Very similar indeed. ;) -Ingo
April 10, 2005 8:30 PM
 

James said:

I'm not suggesting you watch this, but the title says it all:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101862/
April 10, 2005 8:59 PM
 

Matthew said:

As someone who is currently experiencing the same thing (6 weeks till W day!) all I can say is...trust me it gets worse before it gets better! I wonder if the US is the same as the UK in that I (or rather my better half) seems to have discovered a whole industry surrounding weddings that I never knew existed!

Congratulations anyway :-)
April 10, 2005 9:04 PM
 

Ron Green said:

I'd like to hear Aydika's side of this story.
April 10, 2005 9:12 PM
 

Justin Rudd said:

You didn't mention what store you went to? Depending on the store, you wallet might dehydrate from sobbing too much :)

Just wait till you start looking at locations, cakes, food, etc.

I'm currently in the midst of planning...um...watching a wedding being planned during off peak season for a Tuesday afternoon. And the prices are amazing...

Luckily, my wife (we are doing a ceremony for family, we eloped for ourselves) used to be involved in the wedding planning process so she knows when she is being taken on price.

For example, did you know a cake normally costs about $50? But if you tell them it is for a wedding, the price for the exact same cake goes up to $200+?

Flowers? Same deal.

Food? How is it I can get a 16 ounce steak for $30 to 40 at a nice steakhouse. But for a wedding, an 8 ounce sirloin with sides costs $60 a person? Maybe it includes serving? Nope...that's extra.

Venues? You getting married in WA? Salish lodge is nice, but good lord they want a lot of money for an even non peak season non weekend wedding. I couldn't even fathom how much it would cost during summer on a Saturday.

Wedding dresses? I know more about wedding dresses than I ever wanted. Like for example, if you wife-to-be is normally a size 2, then the dress she'll be looking for is like a size 10.

Photographers? Want the negatives? That's extra.

Enjoy writing checks? Hope so cause a lot of the places you deal with won't take credit card. I was hoping they would so I would at least get the miles out of :)

Oh yeah, in case you haven't seen it - the average wedding now-a-days cost 20K.

With all the negative out of the way, you'll remember the day forever. And it will probably always be in your top 10 days of your life. So that more than makes up for it.
April 10, 2005 9:39 PM
 

Mabster said:

Now I know why getting engaged and married withing 24 hours in Las Vegas was such a good idea. :)

I mean, sure, the holiday cost us about $15K, but the wedding itself only cost us $200 or so ... and $24 for the wedding dinner (a couple of steak sandwiches at the hotel)!

And the best part is that our return to Australia counts as the honeymoon! It could conceivably last forever! :)
April 10, 2005 11:45 PM
 

Oh, really? said:

THANK YOU MR. RON GREEN for your considerate and perceptive nature. While the Ro-Dawg's story is certainly entertaining, he has taken some creative liberties with the, um, *reality* of how the above events actually transpired. I unfortunately have no time to clarify right now, but just to give you an idea:

I possess *two* bridal magazines. Total.

I bought one of them in private, yes.
My fiance bought the other.
April 10, 2005 11:57 PM
 

Don Demsak said:

"A soft, distant, high-pitched whimpering, like a dog with its head down and its tail between its legs, expecting a scolding for having eaten all the toilet paper and then pooped it up later"

That my friend is a great description of a married man.

But as Heilein has said "Having your back scratched is not the only reason to be married, but it is a good one, especially for those spots that are so hard to reach by yourself."

Before getting married, I would suggest you both read The Notebooks of Lazarus Long (which is a small section of the Heinlein book Time Enough For Love): http://www.bobgod.com/writer/lazaruslong.html
There are some excellent ideas in there on marriage.
April 11, 2005 12:14 AM
 

Ammiss said:

Count yourself lucky. My mother took the reigns of my wedding and set it free on a 45K rampage which included almost running me over with her truck...er SUV. The planning stage was so crazy that we were excited to get down the aisle so that it would all be over.

We wanted a small wedding; 500 people attended. There were sterling silver hearts attached to every flatware/napkin bundle (yes, sterling). I wore a $1500 dress (it of course was georgeous, but $1500?!) We had a string quartet for the walk down the aisle and Pink Martini play the reception. Just about everyone left the reception drunk, including the pastor. I have a photo of my father-in-law staring at my cleavage while we danced. There is much more...MUCH more, but I will spare you the details.

In short, it was crazy, but at least I have some great stories to tell from it! Just take a deep breath and enjoy. Try to remember that the day is about you two and the love and respect you share for eachother.
April 11, 2005 1:34 AM
 

Andy said:

Rory it doesn't have to be that bad. Not counting the ring and the honey moon we got married for less than a thousand bucks.

We rented a small virtually unheard of but very pretty state park for the day for a total cost of $300 bucks(I don't know if they still do this or not).

Got friend who is a seamstress to sew the dress. Total cost $50 bucks for materials.

Her Dad was a trucker and one of his best buddies is now in charge of distribution for Budweiser so Anheiser Bush(sp?) sponsored our wedding and showed up with an 18 wheeler full of beer, wine, and whiskey and catered the wedding all at no cost to us.

Her Aunt payed for the cake and we took our honey moon up in the San Juans.

I had been in so many other peoples weddings as an usher, groosman, and or bar tender I got a screaming good deal on the tuxes for all my groomsmen.

The brides maids dresses were sewed by the same seamstress and ran about 300 bucks for materials(some of them were pretty large but you didn't hear that from me). The ring and the honey moon were spendy, especially the ring. I tell her she's wearing my corvette because before I met her that's what I was saving for but I had to dump that cash on the ring and honey moon.


From a guy who has been in a bunch of weddings to you my friend I would say this "weddings suck, they are boring and clothes itch but if you f#ck up her day by letting on for one instant that you aren't having the time of your life you are never and I mean never going to live it down". So grin and bear it.

The best advice I ever got about marriage I got from a butcher when I was buying meat for a big BBQ. I was complaining about having to buy my wife something and he said this to me "You can always earn more money but you can't find another girl like her so buy her what makes her happy". Words to live by.
April 11, 2005 3:16 AM
 

Rory said:

Ammiss -

"We wanted a small wedding; 500 people attended. There were sterling silver hearts attached to every flatware/napkin bundle (yes, sterling). I wore a $1500 dress (it of course was georgeous, but $1500?!) We had a string quartet for the walk down the aisle and Pink Martini play the reception. Just about everyone left the reception drunk, including the pastor."

Can I have some of your money?
April 11, 2005 4:30 AM
 

Kuba said:

to get something out of it, buy ring for yourself here http://titaniumera.com/ and get Aydika the one she wants from wherever. Titaniumera really kick ass with designs, I got mine there 2 years ago...
April 11, 2005 4:32 AM
 

Rory said:

Ron -

"I'd like to hear Aydika's side of this story."

It'll just be more of her *lies*!

Don't listen to anything she says about this.

It isn't true.

I promise.
April 11, 2005 4:35 AM
 

Mark Miller said:

Sounds to me like she's been trying to surprise you with the wedding gown. And the trip to the jewelry store was suggestive, methinks. Perhaps you should go back there sometime and see what they have. It sounds like you were blown away at first. Reading about the sticker shock was a joy though.

It reminded me of a certain Don Ameche skit from the 50s (No, I'm not that old, but I've seen it on some retrospective show): Describing the best I can...Ameche is facing the camera in a close-up through the whole routine. He doesn't really move. A woman comes through the door behind him, and is ecstatic. She lists off all the shopping she did and all the "wonderful" things she bought. As she goes through the list, his face becomes strained, then worried, then tears start going down his cheeks, as he realizes what a bill she's rung up. Hilarious, but I'm sure many guys can relate.
April 11, 2005 8:56 AM
 

Matt said:

Rory,

That was awesome, unfortunately you've erased all the good my shrink did :) haha.. Thanks for letting the rest of us know we're not alone.
April 11, 2005 1:12 PM
 

Jacob said:

My wife and I decided to get married at the Courthouse and spend all of the money on the reception. It ended up only being about $4000 (not counting rings and stuff), but was a great party with a top shelf open bar. Totally worth it.

April 11, 2005 1:48 PM
 

Nicholas Paldino [.NET/C# MVP] said:

"I knew what I was getting into when I asked her to marry me, and that there are certain traditional obligations, and that things like rings rank at the top."

Understatement of the century bub, and every man does it...
April 11, 2005 2:20 PM
 

Nils Jonsson said:

Apparently marriage (or engagement, anyway) hasn’t turned you into a boring fuddy-duddy yet.
April 11, 2005 2:57 PM
 

skicow said:

Rory, of course us married types all knew of these "certain traditional obligations" but we did not tell you of them because it's a lot more fun to discover them, and endure them yourself.... either that or we just wanted to trick you into becoming married like us and knowing our pain. Just kidding, married life is the best - even if it costs $$$ and trust me, it will get a lot crazier before it gets better (which happens about 1 day after the wedding), but it's all worth it. Also, even though you put 6+ months into planning your wedding day, it will pass you by without letting you know it's arrived, the day will be over before you know it's even begun.
April 11, 2005 3:21 PM
 

Aydika said:

Re: "Apparently marriage (or engagement, anyway) hasn’t turned you into a boring fuddy-duddy yet."

HA HA HA! What breed of woman do you think I am? And what's up with this word "traditional" that keeps popping up left and right? While I understand its meaning, it certainly has no place in any discussion about myself, Rory, or our celebration plans.

You think Rory is bizarre and creatively unpredictable now? All this stuff is going to read like a multiplication textbook by the time I'm through with him. Which won't be for a long, long time.

You people have no idea what you're in for.

PS: TWO bridal magazines. One purchased by Mr. Rory Blyth himself.
April 11, 2005 4:22 PM
 

Randy said:

Empathy, my friends, I offer complete empathy.
April 11, 2005 4:32 PM
 

paul said:

You may have to turn this into a Webcast Wedding, with a PayPal donation button.
April 11, 2005 5:31 PM
 

Steve Hall said:

Speaking of Lazarus Long, at a friend's wedding 25 years ago I made the following toast: "To xxx and yyy, it couldn't be said any better than how the famous philosopher Lazarus Long put it: Live life to it's fullest! Moderation is for MONKS!"

Of course, those who hadn't read any Heinlein were befuddled as to whom I referred...

Concerning the empathy part.....well, I guess it can be measured by another Lazarus Long motto: "The only true utltimate punishment for stupidity is death!" Since you're still alive, even after ridiculing the bridal industry as a whole, then you must not be as stupid as we had feared! For this you get no empathy from me, only pity!

(You'll get some empathy from me when I hear that you were featured in "Bridal Monthly" as the "Heretic of the Month" center-fold, being burned at the stake in front of a hundred of brides-to-be for "crimes against nature"...)
April 11, 2005 5:52 PM
 

Don Demsak said:

One more thing. I'm sure one of the issues Rory has with the bridal magazines, it is full of pictures of gowns, rings and such, and totally ignores one of his favs, SHOES. Even though no one will see Aydika's shoes (hidden by the gown), Rory will know what shoes she is wearing, and that is really all that matters.
April 11, 2005 6:12 PM
 

Steve Hall said:

Don: You mean they'll be Rory's ruby reds that his bride borrowed from him?
April 11, 2005 6:16 PM
 

Glen said:

I just wanted to point out (after reading just the first few lines) that WORDS have "gender". People have sex. You should know this, you frenchie-based french french.
April 11, 2005 6:45 PM
 

skicow said:

Aydika,

"And what's up with this word "traditional" that keeps popping up left and right? While I understand its meaning, it certainly has no place in any discussion about myself, Rory, or our celebration plans."

Rory brought the "traditional" thing up first, it's all his fault.

"I knew what I was getting into when I asked her to marry me, and that there are certain traditional obligations, and that things like rings rank at the top."
April 11, 2005 7:20 PM
 

NFE said:

Rory and Aydika,

Coming from a person who was "engaged" for about 11 years, and living with {said} partner for 9 or those years, I can understand your feelings..

Rory -> My story was much as yours was; however when this 'marriage' thing first came up; we were heading to Vegas and eloping, and then holding a reception here in MN after for family.. This finally ended up with us joining a church; I'm not religious at all; and then finding a hall, picking food; etc.. etc... (Oh, and I hasten to mention her bueatiful $1800 dress; however hand-made and imported; (Aydika - Call me?!)) I think our little $1500 wedding in Vegas turned out to be a nice $10k in 2001..

I can tell you that even though we fired 2 designers, and fought about cost all of the time.. I don't regret the cost of the wedding or the day.. I can however comment on the photographs.. We actually found a guy locally that took about 450 photos and gave us the negatives for less than most 150 picture packages! So remember to shop around!

Any way.. Hope your wallet lives through this one! Mine did, but still tucks it tail between it's legs anytime my wife says 'Hey Honey, let's get this.......'

-NFE
April 11, 2005 8:56 PM
 

Scott said:

hmmm, I think we set an upper limit of $8k for our wedding, including a week in Hawaii and came in just a little over that price. Then I was laid off the day we returned from our honeymoon. wheeee.

I do have a sad story regarding my wife's first engagement ring. (yeah, first.). I bought her a ring, I think it was around $1500. She works in a hospital and has to wash her hands a LOT. So one afternoon she notices that her ring isn't on her finger anymore. She usually put it in her pocket when she would glove up or wash her hands and she thinks that at some point it might have fallen out when she pulled her keys out of her pocket. In any case, I get a tear-stained phone call at about 10PM one wintery New Mexico night from her asking me if I can drive an hour up into the mountains to where she works and help her look for the ring because she's lost it.

Never did find the ring. Luckily we had enough gold and diamonds left from my Grandparents wedding set that we could make both of our wedding bands and a new engagement ring for her. Which she still wears to this day.
April 11, 2005 11:32 PM
 

GuyIncognito said:

What about taking up a collection? If everyone throws in a few bucks.

I'm good for 20 large... one dollar bills...

In addition, what's the URL for that cleavage pic mentioned in an earlier post?
April 12, 2005 5:08 AM
 

Rory's Shoe Display said:

Re: "Even though no one will see Aydika's shoes (hidden by the gown), Rory will know what shoes she is wearing, and that is really all that matters."

I thought about this too, Don. It's nice to know someone else considers the important details as well. I intend to wear absolutely lovely shoes, and I intend for then to be visible.
April 12, 2005 6:30 AM
 

Aydika said:

Re: "I can tell you that even though we fired 2 designers, and fought about cost all of the time.. " et al...

Okay, this is the bride speaking. (Holy moly that sounded wierd.)

I am officially standing up now, whacking my champagne glass with a spoon:

May I have your attention please?

If I ever find it worthwhile to argue over the cost of napkin rings or flowers with my best friend, it will mean I have completely lost sight of my values. I am acutely aware of our motivation for throwing this event, and none of the foofy, frilly stuff is important enough to distract me from what we are really doing. We are planning a *celebration.* This wedding thing is about feeling something so frigging fabulous that you just have to invite everyone else you know who might also feel it's frigging fabulous, so that everyone can run amok and eat too much and feel frigging fabulous together. Whatever we do to create this party should be something we're both all for; it's *our* party, and will reflect *our* personality.

Yes I am extremely happy and excited, but I won't argue over dumb stuff, Rory. There's a lot of things to consider in this event, but only one of them is a true priority.

Just don't expect any chicken pot pie if you veto any of my ideas. You started this, you know. You were, after all, the catalyst in the awakening of the Marraige Gene.
April 12, 2005 7:03 AM
 

Steve Majewski said:

mmmmmmmm...chicken pot pie!!!
April 12, 2005 4:36 PM
 

bliz said:

so *that's* what they're calling it these days...
April 12, 2005 9:22 PM
 

Ian said:

bliz - now thats funny!

re the whole photo thing - We also found a local photographer who gave us the negatives for free. His deal was that they were our photos and therefore the negatives belonged to us.
For $200 he offered to also put all the pictures, around 500, onto a DVD. If you see this offer SNATCH IT! I spent way too much time scanning negatives and it's a slow, boring process.

I think our guy was around 3k, which was a lot better than the first guy we spoke to, who was all digital and around 6k for 3-400 photos. Ouch.

Our guy was very good and took exactly what we wanted, a few formal and mostly informal. he was also very discreet, I hardly saw him the whole time..
April 13, 2005 4:16 AM
 

NFE said:

Aydika..

I should totally explain the wedding designers.. LOL This was an experience..

My wife wanted help with coordinating all of the accessories (jewlery, shoes, flowers, cake-topper, cake, etc.) The first was great for the first week. When my wife (with about 10 months left) she wanted to get all of the shopping done, the before mentioned GREAT person said that she should worry about something else.. Then refused to meet with her when she insisted, I believe she told her that she was *over zealous* or something to the fact..

Well, needless to say, I called and told her what I thought of the situation. That ended the first one.

The second one ended up lasting all of about 2 meetings, just until she told us that the cake that we had then chosen was *CRAP* and that we should go somewhere else, and just loose the $200 deposit. (enuf said?)

Just to give a shout out! In MN.. Use The Buttercream Collection for your cake.. The cake is all natrual.. No artifical anything.. Any colors are made by using either chopped fruit or fresh fruit juice!! Best cake EVER!!

The third, and final was GREAT.. She did the flowers, decorated the church and hall, and whatever else, as now 5+ years past, cannot remember. Was just EXCELLENT! As was the food..

Oh, and as for the *our* party comment.. I hope that you have as much luck as we *finally* did.. As all of our relatives and friends can't remember a wedding that was a beautiful or memorable...

Ian.. My package here in MN ended up costing around $1800.. But as I said before.. That was 5+ years ago.. I'd hate to shop for a photographer now!!


April 13, 2005 7:28 PM
 

Ammiss said:

"Can I have some of your money?"

Unfortunately, it was my parent's money. My mother and step-father are now divorced (they started their separation and divorce process right after I got engaged), but my mom is still doing well financially.

Besides, her plan is to not leave an inheritance, to spend her last penny on the day she dies...she *might* leave enough for a funeral. Yep, my mom is "a character".
April 14, 2005 6:50 PM
 

Ammiss said:

"Can I have some of your money?"

Unfortunately, it was my parent's money. My mother and step-father are now divorced (they started their separation and divorce process right after I got engaged), but my mom is still doing well financially.

Besides, her plan is to not leave an inheritance, to spend her last penny on the day she dies...she *might* leave enough for a funeral. Yep, my mom is "a character".

So, basically...be careful what you wish for.
April 14, 2005 6:50 PM
 

Brett said:

I think Aydika should get what she wants (you won't regret it). For Rory I would suggest bluenile for the diamond. It sounds cheesy, but the AGS cert offered there insures a higher quality diamond than can be found at virtually all the local stores. In terms of designers, this too I recommend, since you two probably want something unique. I can't remember who I went with but she only sold through Carl Greve and Smith & Bevel. Your wallet will like the later better.
April 14, 2005 7:24 PM
 

Shawn B. said:

Well... my my wedding wasn't so bad. I found a ring in Oklahoma during a vacation (United States -- I live in California) and it is the most unique ring I ever saw. $1,400. She loved, we looked for what seemed like an eternity and no other place had anything like it. I bought it when she was in the shower and waited a few months to ask. During the meantime, we kept looking at other jewelry shops and no one had it either.

Finally, I proposed and she loved the ring but said she new already that I got it.

Now, we did a lot of things ourselves for the wedding (took 1 year to plan and it is exhausting). In the end, we got a buffet for our guests so there was no serving. for 200 guests, we paid only $1,500 of some of the best wedding food I've ever had (and I've been to many wedding). We wanted a casual environment, not too formal, so for $500 we got a banquet hall in the Dana Point marina harbor. Great location. We were wedded at the park above the cliff of the ocean in from the the Dana Point Marriott (included in the same fee).

The had her dress custom made and all the brides maids for $180 each bridesmaid and $800 her own dress.

Our flowers were done by my best mans mother who is a wedding florest, cost? $750

Family and guests volunteered to do any decorating for the locations. Cost? Free.

Cleaning company to clean up the mess. Cost? $300.

In all, I had one of the best priced wedding of anyone in my family and of all weddings I've been to, this was the most casual environment, most relaxed, and most enjoyable for most people (no one left early, I've never seen that before)...

My take? Wedding don't have to be expensive. It'll only cost as much as you're willing to pay and, they don't have to miss anything. You'll make it what you want and get out of it what you want to get out of it.

http://www.lookwrite.com/wedding if you care to see.

Congradulations.

Thanks,
Shawn B.
April 15, 2005 12:09 AM
 

Shawn B. said:

I forgot, our DJ was her uncle and two nieces who did it for free. They were awesome, they do it for a living (to save up for their college funds).

Our photographer was excellent. She only charged about $500 for the photos but she also gaves us the negatives for the photos at no additional charge. In the US, the photographers keep the negatives and own the copyright to your own wedding photos.

In all, its hard to find a good location, a good catering company, and a good DJ. DJ's are not cheap. Photographers are hard to find also but almost impossible if you want to keep your negatives (unless you have an extra $2,500 to buy the negatives).


Thanks,
Shawn B.
April 15, 2005 12:15 AM
 

Dennis van der Stelt said:

Very funny indeed, especially the comment by aydika! ;)

From ALL the tips you get, forget most and just remember one thing : Be sure you're experiencing every moment of the wedding. I mean, after two weeks most already don't know a lot of details anymore. Be sure to memorize everything that takes place! That's the advice I got and the only one I think now mattered! :)
April 15, 2005 8:53 AM
 

Aydika said:

Thank you everyone for your stories (both horror and fantasy), and advice. Any information and compassion is welcome...
April 15, 2005 6:19 PM
 

Scott Bellware said:

I'm single. After reading your account... Yipee!!! I'm single!!! Yipee!!!
April 16, 2005 3:55 AM
 

Anonymous said:

Women certainly have a special place in their hearts for weddings. I worked very closely with my wife for our wedding. It was painful beyond words. Not just money. Time. Man, the engagement ring is relatively easy. Wait until its time to get shoes. I had to go to New York, pound the pavement for 12 hours, and still go home without finding the "right" shoes. You better stock up on opinions, too. You will be asked to give a million of them. Dresses and shoes, flowers, oh boy!

But -- if you marry this girl, remember, it is the ONLY wedding she will ever have. You've got to give her everything she wants. She will know what is required and what is not required -- even if you don't. So listen to her, do what she asks, and don't complain.

BTW, you probably need to write up a budget. It will keep you from getting too annoyed as time goes on. If your total budget is much less than $20,000 (excluding diamond ring), you're bullshitting yourself, and need to redo your estimates.

Consider picking a really nice wedding ring for yourself. Many couples get matching wedding rings. You can if you want. But, its your ring. Pick out something you really like. Also, buy a really nice suit and shoes -- and a really great tie. Cufflinks too. Whatever. Your woman should be able to get you dressed up real nice, so splurge on yourself too.

BTW, if you get married in hawaii, I can give you the names of a great photographer, a great cake maker, and a great makeup artist. These were the folks that did ours. The photographer was a really great guy -- he basically walked us through the whole day. and took great pictures took.
April 22, 2005 9:02 PM
 

Roberto J. Dohnert said:

Which woman did he propose to?
April 24, 2005 3:27 PM
 

Roberto J. Dohnert said:

Never mind, I figured it out.
April 24, 2005 3:30 PM
 

Cliff said:

Rory,

Trust me. A lot more is going to change with your relationship. I hope you're up for it. Speaking as someone who's been informally married for 7 years and legally married for 1 year I will tell you that things get real different real quick. From now on get used to the fact that you have no clue what you're doing. You're sense of style, however polish it may be, will also be deemed inadequate. Everything you used to do that would attract will now annoy. Everything thng that is up will be down. Everything that is left will now be right. Spend now means save. Orange is the new blue. Now let me tell you about the hardships of being married ;). Children! 'Nuff said. Not trying to scare you at all, just a wake-up call. You really have to become a completely different person than who you used to be. If you're thinking your relationship is perfect and will remain relatively the same you're mistaken. Take it from one who has the battle wounds. Learn how ride a bull through a china closet without breaking anything and practice winning an argument with a French waiter using verbs found only in the Cobol programming language. Good luck and may God be with you brother!
April 25, 2005 8:33 PM
 

TrackBack said:

Now *that's* how you tell a wedding proposal story!
April 14, 2005 9:59 PM
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