I bought an HD TV a few months ago, and it’s made my life very complicated. With my old piece of crap TV, I just plugged it in, turned it on, and watched 90210 reruns until I was sated. Now I have to screw with component cables, industry standards, and manuals that are so thick you’d think Tolstoy had written them (that is, in Korean which was then translated to English by an Eskimo with a Korean/English decoder wheel that he found in a box of cereal (and, yes, Tolstoy was fluent in Korean, and he did write technical manuals, and you’re wrong if you say I’m wrong, and, anyway, he’s dead now so it’s not like you can ask him)).

What I’ve learned is that I’m not ready for the 21st century. I miss rotary telephones, movies like ET, and Tab. I’m about as at home here in these modern times as Jesus Christ would be in Las Vegas (actually, Jesus might fit in pretty well in Vegas, but you know what I mean).

The biggest issue so far arrived along with my Xbox 360. In case you aren’t familiar with the 720p vs. 1080i issue, there are two main resolutions at which HD TV is currently meant to operate, and the 360 supports both of them. The point of contention is over which is better. Some people say 720p, and others say 1080i. 720p, they say, is better for motion, while 1080i is better for looking at photographs.

If the argument ended there, then my decision would be made. Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there. If you just do a little internettin’, you’ll find debates all over the place, mostly conducted by nine year olds who got hold of the password to mummy’s AOL account and regurgitated the arguments they’d read elsewhere.

The average discussion goes like this:

A/V Geek #1: OMG!>!>! i just got a hd tv for my burthday nd i need 2 no if 720p or 1080i!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???!!!!!

[A brief interruption, if you don’t mind. I just have to stop and say that the use of more than one exclamation point side-by-side, in any context (except comics), is a sign of mental insanity, a marketing degree from the University of Phoenix Online, or both.]

A/V Geek #2: d0od read the FAq u r so st0opid omg LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A/V Geek #1: pleawse tell me i need 2 no bcuz wich one???!!

A/V Geek #2: u r a dooshbag

A/V Geek #1: whuts a dooshbag!!!?

A/V Geek #2: its u idiot ur a dooshbag

A/V Geek #1: whuts wrong w/ dooshbags???!!?

A/V Geek #2: u r dooshbag u put doosh in it and its a bag

A/V Geek #1: whuts a doosh??!!!! can u put it in a box???????? or just bags!!!!????!!?!?!

There. That should have brought you up to speed on the finer points of the debate.

To summarize, if you don’t know the difference, you’re a “dooshbag.”

While I’m fairly technical and know what it means when someone’s a “dooshbag,” I realize that some of my readers aren’t as intellectually sharp as I am, so I’ve taken it upon myself to distill the meat of the debate and present it in comic form in layman’s terms.

I hope this helps you when it’s time to make the Big Decision.

If you have any questions, then u r a dooshbag.

After Blog Mint [?] :

George recently gave me all the inspiration I’d ever need to avoid posting photos of myself or Aydika anytime in the near future.

Weirdo.