Here’s the story.

Those of us who are considered to be Microsoft “evangelists” - either by title or by duty - have tried to be nice.

We’ve put on little shows for you, done web casts, written articles, and traveled the world to bring you knowledge of the Microsoft.

And we’ve listened. When you say we suck, we smile. When you tell us that you’d like it if that “one pixel” in Outlook were sometimes red instead of white (but only if an appointment has been created within the past fifteen minutes), we don’t have any idea what you’re talking about, but we always say, “Thanks. That’s great feedback. I’m taking that back to the product team.”

However, sometimes that’s just not enough.

And here we are.

I started TinyThings a couple months ago with the intention of making it THE BEST WINDOWS MOBILE DEVELOPER TUTORIAL RESOURCE SITE IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE AND ACROSS THE FORBIDDEN ZONE.

And how have I been repaid for these efforts? A few downloads here and there (OK – thousands), but nothing truly stellar.

I asked myself recently, “What’s it going to take to wake these people up to the fact that mobile device development is not only the way of the future, but that it is a FREAKING AWESOME way of the future?”

And then it hit me.

I took matters into my own hands this morning, and through certain actions have made myself a rogue element of the Microsoft evangelism initiative. My whereabouts are unknown to my superiors – my plans shrouded in a cloak of inky darkness. It is by the shadows that I walk now.

Where has this led us? In operating under these circumstances, I am bound by no law or edict. I walk alone, and where I walk is my choice.

Here is my deal for you:

If traffic to TinyThings does not increase by ten-fold during the next revolution of the planet Earth around its axis, I WILL EAT ONE ENTIRE BAG OF GOURMET LOW-FAT CHEEZEE-POOF SNACKS. IF THE LACK OF TRAFFIC CONTINUES, I WILL EAT ANOTHER BAG EVERY TIME THE EARTH COMPLETES A REVOLUTION:

Don't even try to stop me. You don't know what I'm capable of.

Now, I am no FOOL, and I know that there are those among you who would be heroes, but think twice upon any such rashness. Any attempt to break into my apartment and rescue the bags of gourmet low-fat cheezee-poof snacks will result in THE DRINKING OF ONE CAN OF TAB SODA PER RESCUE ATTEMPT:

Don't be an idiot - I will drink this Tab.

Finally, as if this weren’t enough to frighten you into submission, I have in my apartment one (1) captured Ewok. As of now, he is gagged and tied to a cold, metal bed:

Think he is cute, do you? Do not get too attached, my friend.

Elsewhere on the premises, and thanks to some connections I’ve made in the industry, I have one very large stuffed infectious agent known as Shigella, or “The one who gives stomach-aches”:

Yes... go forth and do my bidding, my lovely...

As you can see, Shigella is attached to some kind of device which is keeping him airborne. What happens when we combine these two images?

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS:

Where is your Prince Charming to save you now, Ewok?

Make no mistake – such a monstrous microbe would make a mere appetizer of an ewok that size.

AND IT SHALL DO SO IF, BY THE TIME THIS PLANET HAS THRICE REVOLVED FULLY UPON ITS AXIS, TinyThings HAS NOT BEEN VISITED BY TEN MILLION NEW MOBILE SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS. AND YOU BETTER MAKE ‘EM ENTHUSIASTIC ‘CAUSE WE DON’T LIKE THOSE MOPEY ONES AROUND HERE.

You’ve been warned, and...

We are no longer evangelists. We are now crusaders.

Welcome to the new Microsoft.