It’s been quite the week for testing my faith in humanity.
I’ve seen people do good things. I’ve seen people do bad things.
That’s normal, but it’s been in the extreme.
On the good end, William Burrows - one of my attendees at yesterday’s MSDN Event in Tacoma - donated a Visual Studio Team System Suite license as a giveaway prize. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then just consider that, rather than giving it to one of the other audience members, he could have traded for, oh, I don’t know – a car or something. That license is worth thousands and thousands of dollars. Very cool.
On the bad end, one of my attendees, on a scale of one to nine, gave my presentation a six, and listed his reason for dissatisfaction as being “There was too much butter on the popcorn.”
It was just the right sequence of events to put me in the proper mindset for an exchange that I had today with some random, militant vegan girl on MySpace.
If you’ve ever looked at my profile, it’s pretty obvious that it’s a joke. One of the hobbies I listed for myself was “baby seal hunting.”
She took me seriously, and sent an email today to let me know what she thought about my hobby:
From: VEGANETTE™
Date: Feb 17, 2006 2:21 PM
sicko. hunting baby seals... you shoulda been aborted. or killed in a mass genocide with all the other hunters like the nazis killed the jews
When some humorless person writes to me to let me know that I should have been killed “like the nazis killed the jews,” it rubs me the wrong way.
I decided to enjoy myself, and responded. What follows is the beginning of a somewhat longish thread, but worthwhile weekend reading. Something lighthearted with which to end an otherwise stressful progression of days.
Beginning with one from me:
I don't actually hunt baby seals. That was a joke.
The truth is, I buy them canned. Granted, they're not as good when they aren't fresh, but when I want a baby seal sandwich, I can't really be expected to gear up for it every time I'm hungry.
That's only for when I eat them, of course. Honestly, the few times I've actually gone baby seal hunting, it's been a disappointment because:
1. It's cold
2. They're squirmy
Number 1 is a problem because the cold puts off my appetite for the hunt, but number 2 is what really gets in the way. Have you ever tried to take out a squirmy seal? Imagine trying to choke a fat snake in a fur coat - it's not as easy as you'd think.
Anyway, I'm glad you wrote. It's always cool meeting other people who like the idea of baby seal hunting as much as I do. I don't know why, but it's not a very popular thing nowadays.
Also, you're pretty cute. We should totally hook up the next time I'm in the UK.
I'll bring you some pelts.
Her:
From: VEGANETTE™
Date: Feb 17, 2006 2:48 PM
I hope that was sarcasm about
> Also, you're pretty cute. We should totally hook up the next time I'm in the UK.
> I'll bring you some pelts.'
And incase you didn't catch my drift... I'm VEGAN and an ANIMAL ACTIVIST. I messaged you to tell you how much I despise people who hunt.. We no longer live in a civilisation where we need to eat meat, or hunt. We can live healthier without meat in out diets and hunting is bloody pointless.
Me:
No - I'm not kidding. You're hot, yo.
And, yeah - I got the animal activist thing, and I'm totally with you. I like a lot of animal activity, too [wink, wink].
As for hunting - I couldn't have said it better myself. Bloody pointless.
Kind of goes back to what I was saying about buying the stuff canned. I don't see the reasoning behind going out and strangling a seal myself when I can just pay some other poor bastard to spear the suckers for me. That's why God made me rich, right? LOL!?!?!
So, what do you say? Let's hang out. I'll make some vegan baby seal sandwiches.
You can bring the love.
Her (she’s a bit gullible, methinks):
From: VEGANETTE™
Date: Feb 17, 2006 3:06 PM
I don't think you're sane.
Me:
Sorry :) I was just messing with you.
The *real* truth is that I actually run the world's largest non-profit baby seal cannery, which I think earns me a few points on the charitable donations front.
Also, I'm Jesus.
And I love you.
Her:
From: VEGANETTE™
Date: Feb 17, 2006 3:18 PM
O.O
I can see that you just speak utter balls..
So do you or dont you kill/eat baby seals..
Honestly
Me:
Look - you seem nice (and you're really hot), but I'm getting tired of explaining this. What's worse is that I'm in a bit of a hurry now.
I have Baby Seal Hunter Team #8 on line three right now, and the office is kind of in crisis mode. Apparently, one of our new recruits thinks that the baby seal he's supposed to take out is crying (WTF?!!!!), and he can't bring himself to do the job he's getting paid for.
Fortunately, they found this batch on an ice float in international waters, so the usual "laws" about employee care don't apply. Now I have to decide if we're just going to leave him out there, or if someone's going to have to bring him on board and... "talk" to him about what he's done.
My chopper's out on the helipad right now, fueling up, which means I'm going to be making an afternoon trip to my hangar so I can get on my harrier, fly out to the ship, get on board, and deal with the situation.
The GPS data puts them about seventy miles off the coast of Greenland, which means I'm not going to be too far from the UK. I could always swing by afterward, pick you up, fly you to Paris, and then we could totally make out at the top of the Eiffel Tower (that's where Tom Cruise proposed to his awesome wife, and, being a Scientologist myself, I'd like to follow in his footsteps).
So what do you say? I have about ten minutes here before I have to leave, and if it isn't going to be you, then I'm going to have to work my contacts to find another date. I would appreciate promptness in your reply.
I haven’t heard back yet.
I hope she chokes mid-anti-semitic-statement on a pointy piece of tofu.