There haven’t been any comics on the site since my Toshiba m205 tablet shut down (it didn’t die, by the way – its soul simply ascended to a higher spiritual plane (just like L. Ron Hubbard’s (they’re probably hanging out right now))).

Because drawing swearing stick figures is my preferred method of self-expression, I quickly ordered another Toshiba tablet. This time, it was the m400, which is the latest fancypants unit the company’s offering.

That was a couple weeks ago.

For the past few days, I’ve been logging in every three minutes to check the status of my order, and for the past few days, the estimated shipping date has been “2/21/2006” (for my friends in other parts of the world, that’s “21/2/2006”).

Yeah. Isn’t that cool? It means that my tablet is going to ship three days ago.

Since it’s impossible that the Toshibans are so silly as to have screwed up something as simple as (Today’s Date + 1), thereby automatically incrementing the estimated ship date and keeping customers from scratching their collective heads until they’ve worn holes through to their brains, I must assume that the only other possibility is the correct one: This information is true.

In other words, my Toshiba m400 is going to ship three days ago.

And it’s going to happen with this guy’s help:

1.21 jigawatts? 1.21 JIGAWATTS!

That’s right, bro, and you best find dem jigawatts soon.

I figure Doc will have to assemble a crew to travel back to sometime earlier this week so that they can properly ship my m400.

1.21 JIGAWATTS!

But not without having lunch first.

Let's make soup. And then... 1.21 JIGAWATTS!

Oh – I forgot to mention that, before I knew Toshiba had invented the Customer Service Time Machine, I called their customer service line to ask about where my tablet was. I never got through, though, because I hung up after waiting for nearly forty minutes to talk to somebody.

I wish they had just mentioned in their looping recorded message that the Toshiba Customer Service Time Travel Squad was already on it and gathering plutonium for the voyage. Instead, all I got was, “Please hold – you’re, like, an awesome customer, which is why we’re going to play the Casio Keyboard version of Disco Inferno at you for the entire duration of your call. Please hold…”

Maybe I’m a fool for even having tried. But I wouldn’t have bothered with the phone if someone from Toshiba customer service had bothered to respond to en email I wrote about ten days ago.

I should be a little nicer, though. Given all the time travel and stuff going on out at Toshiba headquarters, it’s likely that my email just feel into a time vortex or something. One of my great-great-great-grandchildren will probably get the response after it finally makes it out of the Time Hole (I don’t know what a “time hole” is, but that’s probably where my email is).

Seriously. Toshiba makes me feel like a valued customer.

WE'RE GOING TO GET RORY'S TABLET WITH ALL OUR JIGAWATTS

The only problem I can see with my theory is that, if Toshiba really were sending the Time Crew out to get my m400 shipped to me on time, I should already have it, and wouldn’t be writing this post.

Maybe their calculations were just off. Time Math is hard because (cat == 12) and people usually forget that.

In the meantime (<– ha ha), the Toshibans could always implement that (Today’s Date + 1) thing I was talking about.

That’d be sweet, yo.