“I love you.”

That’s what my cousin said to me as we were getting off the phone last night. I’m still reeling from the attack.

I didn’t see it coming. I grew up in a family where emotional expression was forbidden. It was about as OK as nudity, which was NOT OK AT ALL, although my sister, until the age of eight or so, thought there was something really cool about running around the house wearing nothing but her Strawberry Shortcake pajama top. It was disturbing to say the least. I would have said something, but I think she probably would have countered my protest with her own about my constant bed-wetting and how it made our shared bedroom smell. Stalemate.

My father has never said “I love you” to me, and I’ve never said it to him. Our family operates on a strict no-emotional-males policy.

We’ve only hugged once, and, to be precise, it was a one-way hug. I hugged him.

It was mid 1989. We were at Egghead Software, back when Egghead still had actual stores, and, after three hours of begging, he bought me Space Quest III (probably the best game in the series). I was so excited that I lost control of my emotions and hugged him.

I recognized immediately that I had broken protocol, and considered passing out or wetting my pants to draw attention away from my indiscretion.

That’s why it was weird to hear my cousin say “I love you.” I’m not used to males expressing these sorts of things to each other.

Is your family this emotionally retarded? Is this normal?