It’s time to set some boundaries.

I think we can all agree that things have been getting a might bit rowdy around here. I tried to exert some control over the madness previously with the Neopoleon.com End User License Agreement, but I do not believe that I was taken seriously.

Unfortunately, this has given me no other choice than to impose a set of Blue Laws upon the County of Neopoleon.

If you are unfamiliar with Blue Laws, then you may read up on them here. And I suggest you do.

Before there is a Day of Reckoning.

Neopoleon County Blue Laws As Set Forth On This Day of May the Somethingeth and To Be Obeyed In No Part Less Than Full

– No cats shall be stacked higher than five on any day of the week other than Independence Day.

– Babies shall not be allowed in public streets on the Sabbath without a small parasol.

– Oak trees are to be kept at all times a minimum of ninety-seven cubits distant from one and each other or the planter shall suffer hanging.

– If a cur is found thieving bones from a butcher’s pile, the fine is twenty-two ears of the following year’s corn and death by fire for the butcher.

– Shall an act of affection be given under a stoop, a fine of seventeen guilders shall be imposed upon the owner of the stoop and then the stoop shall be damned.

– If a wife should refuse to de-corn a man’s feet, be it her husband or the husband of another’s wife, then the witch shall be sent to the church prison for no more than four consecutive sixnights or until she confesses to witchery and is burnt.

– Any man suspected may be racked and his children dismissed from the county by way of horse-chaining.

– The lame shall be made to work longer hours in the fields for their transgressions against the perfections of their Creator.

– A woman may not open a bottle for a man, even if the man is said to have asked that it be done, and the woman shall be hanged while suffering the Fire.

– If a staff is used to cross uneven land, it must first be inspected to accord to the principles set forth by the Selectmen and their precisions.

– At no time shall a fire be made near the water, or the water shall be removed to a new location by the starter of the fire, and only after his legs have been cross-bent for three sixnights.

– If it should hail, and then rain, and then hail again, all children of the village shall be gallowed for one year and fed grain by the women.

– No hole shall be dug deeper than nine barleycorns without the blessing of the council, and no hole shall be dug at any time which is in even ratio to the distance of the chapel from the well or the digger shall be kept in the well until a day of repentance.

– Should a woman attempt the craft of writing, she shall be laid on a flatrock of the plains in hot summertime until the lord taketh her wanton soul and deliver it unto Satan Himself.

– A child who attempts to vote shall have one finger horsetorn until such time as the child agrees to abstain from further contraventions.

– If ink is spilled on a Tuesday before suppertime, the village entire shall be rebuilt by the following Tuesday at the hands of the ink-spiller.

– No two men shall at the same time.

– No horse is to be plied with strong drink, except that she be a mare and in foal, and only then with genever that has not been found wanting.

– Whoever disrupts a live or recorded dramatic performance with groans or expressions of disdain, and is not himself of the criticmen, shall be pilloried before the theater and whipped by all and sundry.

– Games of chance are not to be played by children, Catholics, or particularly by Catholics. Catholics shall be wagon-straightened.

– Any man demonstrating excessive knowledge of wine shall be made to prove his worth with a filling-bucket.

– Any man professing knowledge of medicine shall be rendered the medicine of hanging.

– Any person found a-sleep or drowsing during the hours of worship will be a-wakened by the town beadle, dragged bodily unto the pulpit, forced to deliver a sermon, then burned until death by the youngest member of the congregation in attendance who has not previously been seen playing with river sticks.

– Any child caught communicating with animals shall be shot in the face and quartered, without exception.

– Any hair grown on a head which is curly shall be straightened beyond city-limits by cattle-pulling.

– If a man is careless during his chores and is lost an arm, he shall be lost his other arm in the same fashion as rightful punishment.

– The hexagon is an accursed shape, and any person caught making one shall be set upon by vipers.

– Electrical web-works named as ready by May 1st must in truth sit five and ten days more, for de-lousing and sanctification, before they may rightfully be released to the divine aether, and their creators rewarded with corn, treasure, and a festival of vaginal access in their honor.