Where were you?

Eh?

When I needed you – where were you?

Four days ago – four days – I made it CRYSTAL clear that I needed $70,000, and that I needed it by Tuesday.

Now, I don’t want to point any fingers, but I think that a few of you might not be donating since I’ve only managed to rake in $14.63.

By my calculations, that leaves me, oh, just about $70,000 short of the $70,000 I asked for.

What’s wrong? Don’t trust me? Don’t believe in me? Don’t have faith in the Ministries of Neopoleon as they operate within Neopoleon County?

What do you think I am? Some kind of opportunistic corporate shill who just goes around using people until there’s nothing left of them, sucking their bodies dry like a toad with a wet/dry vac attached to its face-hole, and then moving on to the next set of valuable resources like the aliens in Independence Day?

If that’s what you think, then I have but two (2) questions for you:

1. What tipped you off?

and

2. Where’s the rest of my money, bitch?

I’m serious.

I really really want need $70,000, and I’m extending your deadline to Friday.

I can’t believe this crap.

Hey – know what’s funny? I’m in Starbucks right now, preparing a presentation for my coworkers tomorrow, and there’s a song on that’s totally cheesy, like all “Let’s lock our arms together and sway back and forth and make a change for the future and teach the children how to sing” kind of cheesy, and the refrain is “What have you done today to make you feel proud?”

It’s funny because I’m like all “Nothing.”

Now, give me your money.