Dear Mr. Blyth,

We at Acme Investments were about to give you a sizable amount of money, but due to this post, you have failed the mental stability requirement. We do wish you well in your future endeavors in the mental institution, although we hear they only allow the residents to use crayons.

However, we might consider buying the rights to your art, which of course will only be valuable after you are dead and you are then recognized as a genius.

And so Rory has the big mental breakdown we've all been waiting for.

Here I thought we were making progress and I would elevate to his elusive My Homies list, but alas the nanites have completly taken over what's left of his gray matter and left us a shell of a person called Rory.

There is an idea Rory, sell the right to be on your 'My Homies' list.

RORY, YOU BITCH
ISN'T IT ENOUGH
WHEN MY FEET ITCH
I GO INSANE-O

CHILDREN MOCK ME
LADIES FLEE ME
MIDGETS HAVE CARS
BUT NOT FOR LARS

YES LARS MY NAME
MEMORIES ARE PAINFUL
THANK YOU MR. LAME
FOR DREDGING THE POOL

MY LIFE IS SHIT
CAN I SHARE YOUR BED
THERE'S NOTHING TO IT
I'LL BRING THE KEG

*roflmao*

I needed that.

This is worthy of being included in the Bad Poetry Museum in Munich. It's probably the second worst piece of poetry in existence, you should be proud, not many people can claim to have written the second worst piece of poetry in existence.

Congratulations on your achievement!

Why do I keep thinking "Windows Vista" when I look at Leg Thing's head?

Brian -

"We do wish you well in your future endeavors in the mental institution, although we hear they only allow the residents to use crayons."

I could totally sharpen a crayon into a knife.

I wouldn't.

But I could.

So just think about that.

For some reason.

Bil -

"And so Rory has the big mental breakdown we've all been waiting for."

Are you kidding me? This is such a small time Saturday morning slip of the brain.

I had fun doing it, and I actually wrote it while I was having a conversation with someone. It really *shouldn't* make any sense at all given the context in which it was written.

Oh, no. The Big Mental Breakdown is going to be something spectacular. Like the Tunguska Event. Just land destroyed, forests leveled, and a boom heard 'round the world.

But it should be quite some time before I really lose it like that.

For example, I still go to the bathroom by myself, which is a sign that I'm sane (although I went to a party tonight where I got a couple offers from people to go to the bathroom with me, but it wasn't to, like, help me change my Depends or anything - I can still totally pee without help - oh, what the fuck am I talking about?).

"Here I thought we were making progress and I would elevate to his elusive My Homies list, but alas the nanites have completly taken over what's left of his gray matter and left us a shell of a person called Rory."

I haven't done much with the homies list in a while. it *is* in need of updation.

Remember, though, Bil, you little whiner, that you were on my MySpace top eight for a couple months. I only swapped you out last week for a girl who was more attractive than the blueprint you put up for a photo.

But you were there. And probably will be again somtime when I shake things up.

Brian -

"There is an idea Rory, sell the right to be on your 'My Homies' list."

Anybody I stick on my homies list is a homie, which means someone I'd never charge.

You're one of my homies by the way. I just haven't updated the list in a looooooooong time.

ariel -

"It's probably the second worst piece of poetry in existence, you should be proud, not many people can claim to have written the second worst piece of poetry in existence."

Thank you ever so much :)

I probably have the First Worst poem somewhere around here in a notebook from my teen years when I actually, yes, wrote with a fountain pen.

I should find that pen now and stab myself with it for punishment.

>I probably have the First Worst poem somewhere around here in a notebook from my teen years when I actually, yes, wrote with a fountain pen.

hmm... nope doesn't look like it rorwie:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vogon_poetry

as you know, if it's on wikipedia it MUST be true

Rory,

Being able to go to the bathroom by yourself is no sign of sanity.

Going to the bathroom by pissing in the wind, now that's a different story.

And having hot women on your friends list that you'll never to be able to see naked without paying $14.99 is what MySpaces is all about. Didn't you read that in the intro when you signed up?

Rory,

That is absolutely one the the funniest things I have ever read!! (Or have seen). You are definitely back... Hope things are going well.

kiwi -

"as you know, if it's on wikipedia it MUST be true"

I wonder if *that's* on wikipedia.

"Being able to go to the bathroom by yourself is no sign of sanity."

No - it is a sign of not having any friends.

"Going to the bathroom by pissing in the wind, now that's a different story."

Yes. A very wet, stinky story.

"And having hot women on your friends list that you'll never to be able to see naked without paying $14.99 is what MySpaces is all about. Didn't you read that in the intro when you signed up?"

I'm proud to say that those are my real friends, damn it :)

I have yet to accept a single CamGirl.

May they all simultaneously trip, fall, and get choked to death by the twisting cables of their little webcams.

::waiting::

Nope. Didn't happen. I could start an argument about how this is proof that there is no god, but I think it'd be best to keep the comments down to something less than the three hundred or so I think would be generated by such a comment.

So I won't make the comment. I will merely meta-make it.

Which I already have.

Done and done. My work here is finished.

Daniel -

"That is absolutely one the the funniest things I have ever read!!"

I kiss you ::smack::

I've been getting emails and comments about how it seems like I'm going crazy, when all I did was sit down, feeling slightly bored, draw a stupid picture, and then write a stupid stream-of-consciousness poem to follow it.

That's all. Just fun. A little Saturday thing.

And you, as well as a few other poeple, seem to have picked up on that, while others have just suggested that I'm losing my mind, which is an accusation I find very amusing since I lost my mind before I even lost my virginity (and this, of course, raises the question of when I lost my virginity - *that's* one thing that I won't be sharing with the blog readers ;) ).

Anyway, thanks :)

"You are definitely back... Hope things are going well."

Things are going...

...*so* scarishly confusinglyishly.

I...

met...

this...

uh...

::ahem::

girl.

And it's been freaking me out. I wasn't ready for it. And I don't know what I'm doing. I just hope I'm doing the right thing because I rather fancy her.

I need cold water splashed on my face every five minutes in life right now. That would probably help.

Yes...

Cold water in the face. And maybe a nice slap. And a lecture. And a full time shrink I can just carry around in my pocket.

Thanks for the well wishes, though :) Same to you, Mr. Egan.

So I was watching some show on the DIY network last night and they installed misters on the patio of some house in Vegas. Maybe you should get a hat or something with misters built-in and set on a 5 minute cycle. Then you could get your required cold water in the face every 5 minutes. Of course I suppose you could also hire a midget to ride around on your head and spit on you every 5 minutes but it wouldn't really be cold, just wet.

awwww, Rory's in love.... Rory's in love....

hmmm, i immediately fast forward to wonder what type of progeny would issue forth...

::shudder::

Rory,

I am honored to be considered a homie. Update your list so I can tell my friends and family!

Seriously, grats on meeting the scarishly confusinglyishly girl. I have to wonder though; do you tend to meet women who have no clue about your blog, or is this blog a chick magnet? If so, please post on how we too can turn our blogs into spanish-fly.

Brian -

"I am honored to be considered a homie. Update your list so I can tell my friends and family!"

Honored to be considered? Brian, mon cher ami, you've been one of my homies for years, and I have the Vegas photos to prove it.

I'll updatet my list some time in the near future. It's really in need of an update anyway. The main reason I haven't done anything with it recently is that I've been planning for months on switching blogging software, and didn't feel like futzing around with the .Text controls.

But, for you and all the other people who have been so especially kind to me over the years, I'll futz :)

"Seriously, grats on meeting the scarishly confusinglyishly girl."

No grats - trust me on this. That's part of the reason it's scarishly confusing. I don't know quite where we stand, and the situation is very complicated. That said... I'm very fond of her, and I hope things turn out the way I hope things turn out.

Are you familiar with a custom of the East in which a baby isn't given a name until a year after it's been born? I'm taking that approach with this one. She seems much too good to be true - and I'd assume she were a figment of my imagination, but I'm simply not imaginative enough to come up with someone like her. Because of this - because of how completely and ridiculously neat she is (and I know I've said things like this before), I'm being very careful, and I'm not going to give this situation a name until after a year.

The reason, by the way, for the tradition is that due to a lack of modern healthcare etc., the baby isn't named because it's quite possible that it will simply die in the first year.

Well. That got depressing.

"I have to wonder though; do you tend to meet women who have no clue about your blog, or is this blog a chick magnet? If so, please post on how we too can turn our blogs into spanish-fly."

It's really weird. I don't have any idea who my audience is right now, but I've met some *really* cool women through the blog.

This new girl, though, the one with whom I have some strange ambiguous connection with no name, is someone I met outside the blog. I don't even think she reads it. Hell - she probably wouldn't even *like* it.

But she's cool.

If the "baby" survives, I'll write more. In the meantime, though, I am moving forward with cautious optimism.

And, just to end on a good note...

Word to the Brian.

You really need to set that to music.

FYI: The PayPal link does not allow you to enter a negative number.

-GR

Its a god gifted "Poetic Imagination".
Well done!
I think you ve no comparison to coleridge, yeats and others too. ):

Nice poem! I think it would surely help me out as a lullaby for my children.

Your writing style resembles William Blake a lot..........both of you lack poetic diction.