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Review: Lego Star Wars II - Xbox 360 Version

The Quick Look

- The Good:

It's a game, and games are supposed to be fun. Insofar as this is a game, and games are supposed to be fun, it should be fun. Things that are fun are good.

- The Bad:

It isn't fun.

The Review

I don't know why I bought Lego Star Wars II. I don't drink regularly, so I can't blame it on the fire water. It's been ages since I fasted and then chugged a one gallon peyote milkshake, so I can't blame it on a hallucinogenic spiritual journey.

It might have been the vacation thing I just went on.

A "vacation" is what you do when you call your boss and say, "I won't be in the office today, but I'm not quitting either. I'm just going to not work for a little while, OK?" Then your boss says, "OK." Now you're on vacation. See? OK.

During my vacation, it was my goal to relax and do nothing, but I'm not very good at that. I have a very strong work ethic because my grandparents keep reminding me that they lived through the Great Depression, and that I've been spoiled rotten by these modern times in which a child is not happy to receive a bowl of rock soup for dinner. They've made me scared that, at any time, the bottom could fall out of the stock market or something, and then I could be on the street trying to sell one of my kidneys for enough money to buy a bowl of rock soup. That's why I have such an amazing work ethic and why I don't know how to be good at vacation.

So, during my vacation, instead of relaxing and doing nothing, I bought stuff. One thing I bought was lunch, but I'm not reviewing that here. The thing that I bought and that I'm reviewing is a video game for my Xbox 360 super home entertainment multimedia fun center.

The game is called Lego Star Wars II, and it's this game where you play through the Star Wars movies, but you do it with Legos.

Yeah. I don't really get it either.

I mean, it's cool that it's Star Wars, I guess. I kind of started hating Star Wars after George Lucas forced me to when he made a whole bunch of stupid movies following Star Wars. Like, oh, what was the name of that one movie that was so stupid... it's on the tip of my tongue... it's... it's...

Oh, yeah. It's called "Star Wars".

Lucas made me hate it when he made that "new" trilogy with that Jar-Jar thing that had a long tongue and who kept the children in the theater riveted with his solid gold comedy slapstick clumsiness and jokes constructed on the subject of flatulence. When I went home that day, I took down all my Star Wars posters, threw my Star Wars books in the trash, microwaved all my Star Wars figurines, had my cat named "Star Wars" put to sleep, burned my Star Wars bed sheets, stopped wearing my Darth Vader helmet around the house, kicked over my life-size limited edition Yoda statue, smashed my Star Wars mugs against my face, demagnetized all my Star Wars refrigerator magnets, and flushed my lightsaber down the toilet.

In short, that day didn't do much to leave me with a positive impression of the Star Wars franchise and where it was headed.

But that's only half of Lego Star Wars II. The other half of the game is the Lego part.

If you don't know what Legos are, then you're probably stupid. But, so that you can follow along with my post, I'll tell you what Legos are in my world: Legos are a toy that all the other kids had. If you were a rich little brat growing up, then you had these neat toys that were little bricks, and you could attach the bricks together to build structures like buildings, spaceships, or prosthetic body parts. However, you probably didn't play with your Legos because you were too busy being rich and having a whole bunch of other toys. Me? I was playing with my broken chisel. That was my toy. Yeah, you want me to be impressed that you had Legos, but I don't care because I've got street cred from having grown up all dirt ass poor with my chisel.

Now you ought to have some idea of what I like so much about Lego Star Wars II.

It combines two aspects of my life that have left me socially maladjusted and unprepared for the rigors of adulthood. On the one hand, we have the Star Wars franchise which previously allowed me sweet, sweet escape, but stopped doing so as soon as George "Let's-get-some-more-Ewoks-in-that-shot" Lucas ruined it. On the other hand, we have a toy which delivered smiles and happiness unto the rich kids who had them, and that, as my therapist who has to listen to me bitch and whine on a weekly basis knows all too well, wasn't me.

It's like someone at Lucasarts got his hands on my psychiatric record and constructed a game specifically designed to bring my inner-child to its knees for a good whipping. Now, if only the game managed to capture the rest of my childhood by beating me with a wooden spoon and then passing out drunk, the experience would be complete.

The Last Word

What I like most about this game is the graphics.

I give it 9/10 stars.

Also, the main reason I'm reviewing it is in the hopes of making some money from Amazon referral links.

Published Thursday, October 12, 2006 1:21 AM by Rory

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Comments

 

Kiwi said:

>stopped wearing my Darth Vader helmet around the house
yeah i stopped wearing mine to school

>flushed my lightsaber down the toilet.
The trick with that is to make sure its off first - and best to turn the safe switch on. DON'T ASK WHY I KNOW THIS.

>you could attach the bricks together to build structures like
mine made a forklift. i used it to create a small port, which was nowhere near this sea. which wasn't as much of a problem as you might think

>I give it 9/10 stars.
Rorwie, how does it compare to the first one? i loved that one - it appeased my need for lego *and* destruction.
October 12, 2006 2:29 AM
 

charles said:

Nice review - you managed to evade all of the usual tricks of game reviews such as addressing playability, controls, AI interaction and the like.  You impressed me also with your lack of detail when reviewing the graphics.

I agree that mixing the concepts of Lego and Star Wars must have taken some brain storming or at the very least a serious error when compiling code.  You'd have thought the developers would have spotted the faux pas during beta-testing.

Two questions to mull over:

(1) Would Episode 1 have been better or worse if Jar-Jar had been replaced with Pee Wee Herman?

(2) Does Amazon pay-per-click or do you have to complete a purchase?  I ask as I am based in the UK and as other countries are an anathema to the US I seriously doubt that redirecting from amazon.com to amazon.co.uk would allow you the credit you deserve for the link.  Not sure where I'm going here but it raises an important question which you will have to work out as I have lost my train of thought.
October 12, 2006 2:32 AM
 

Rory said:

kiwi -

"Rorwie, how does it compare to the first one? i loved that one - it appeased my need for lego *and* destruction."

I really disliked the first one.

I disliked this one slightly less, but that's just because it's based on the original trilogy.

Not sure why I bought it, though, considering how much fun I didn't have playing the first.

Part of me thought that this one might somehow be better, but...

It's not.
October 12, 2006 2:50 AM
 

Rory said:

Charles -

"Nice review - you managed to evade all of the usual tricks of game reviews such as addressing playability, controls, AI interaction and the like.  You impressed me also with your lack of detail when reviewing the graphics."

Thank you. I like to review "outside the box," if you know what I mean. It provides neopoleon with a differentiator that, I think, will one day launch my site into great commercial success. I just need someone to come along, recognize my brilliance, and then write me a big ass check for it.

Regarding the graphics, I suppose I could have gone into a little more detail. Consider this an addendum to the post:

I enjoyed the way the pixels looked. They were very high resolution and next generation looking.

"(1) Would Episode 1 have been better or worse if Jar-Jar had been replaced with Pee Wee Herman?"

It would have been better if the entire movie had been replaced with Pee Wee.

"(2) Does Amazon pay-per-click or do you have to complete a purchase?"

It's harsh, but you have to buy something.

I might be moving back to Google ads soon, 'cause this Amazon stuff isn't putting food on the table.

Sort of a moot point since I don't have a table, but you know what I mean.
October 12, 2006 2:56 AM
 

Rob Miles said:

If you ever watched Spaced (and my goodness you should have) it has some very good things to say about Star Wars - along the lines of "Why George, Why???" http://www.spaced-out.org.uk/ for more.

Oh, and I liked the first Lego Star Wars game. It was the only computer game that number one daughter and me ever actually played together.
October 12, 2006 5:00 AM
 

Erwin Blonk said:

Charles -
"you managed to evade all of the usual tricks of game reviews such as addressing playability, controls, AI interaction and the like."

Rory -
"I like to review "outside the box," if you know what I mean."

I think I do.

All those tech things that make reviews pretty useless to me. I don't want to know the tech stuff (I find I rarely agree with it), I want to know how it feels, what it makes you think, what it makes you do, in as raw-stylish a way as possible.
Because really, when you read the standard review, in your mind your making the conversion to figuring out hat the game does for you. Rory cuts it to that essence.
Why does some old games with lousy sound, graphics and gameplay still attract gamers? Because of the way it makes you feel, because of what it reminds you of, that's why.
October 12, 2006 6:14 AM
 

JoeG said:

Rory,

My 8 year old loves the Lego Star Wars games...but maybe that's because he's got a rich Daddy who has bought him all the Legos he could lose since he was old enough to say, "I WANT IT NOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!".

He also likes Jar-Jar, for which I have disowned him and will buy him no more rich kid toys.


charles,

"Would Episode 1 have been better or worse if Jar-Jar had been replaced with Pee Wee Herman?"

That is the greatest idea...EVER!!
October 12, 2006 6:52 AM
 

Thera said:

I'm pretty sure Pee Wee Herman is the shit.  I have a cousin who just turned 3 but back when she was just 2 she was watching Pee Wee Herman movies (my uncle collected them because he's cool like that) and it was a little scary to watch her watch the movies.  

Her eyes would glaze over.

She'd start to drool.

Someone could walk right in front of her and she wouldn't move.  It was like she was in a trance.  Weird.

As for Legos, I was a poor child growing up too...what the hell am I saying...I STILL am a poor child growing up.  Anyways,  we had legos simply because my brother and I would go to sandboxes and nurseries and daycares and monopolize the Legos one by one.  We ended up with a nice plethora of sizes and types and colors.  

Rory, you should have gotten your awesome sister to assist you in doing something like this.  But you were too busy pitying yourself with your broken chisel and booze-soaked household.

For shame.

;)
October 12, 2006 7:31 AM
 

lurker said:

Tee, that bit about your cousin is just disturbing.  For the love of God, make her watch Paul Reubens in "Mystery Men" and snap her the hell out of it before it affects her developmentally!

Rory:  You had Star Wars sheets, too?  Now, if you tell me that you had the matching curtains like I did, I'll say you're destined to grow up as cool as I am.
October 12, 2006 9:47 AM
 

Charles said:

Tee said: "I'm pretty sure Pee Wee Herman is the shit...."

You are almost correct young attractive avatar lady.  As a variation on the theme I would say:

"I'm pretty sure Pee Wee Herman is shit" or
"I'm pretty sure Pee Wee Herman is A shit"

but on reflection I would have to say:

"I am without any doubt that Pee Wee Herman is a twat".

I went to see Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure at the cinema when it first came out (against my better judgment).  The cinema closed down shortly afterwards and turned into a McDonalds.  Such was the power (or 'shitness' if you prefer) of the film that it could force a business into insolvency.  

The McDonalds, although still there today, has always failed to achieve a true facsimile of the first 'restaurant' that Ronald envisaged when graduating from clown school.  That is Pee Wee's fault.  

The last time I went into that McDonalds there were no chicken nuggets and I couldn't find the straws.  That's Pee Wee's fault.

If I had to make a copy of 'The Ring' and give it to someone to save my own ass, I would give it to Pee Wee.  

Tee said: "Her eyes would glaze over"

It was a defence reflex - her body was trying to grow protective flaps in front of her eyes to prevent further viewing.  

On the matter of lego type things, do/did you have stickle bricks in the US?  Sort of like lego for young children before duplo bricks (big lego) were invented.  

-------

Rory said: "I enjoyed the way the pixels looked. They were very high resolution and next generation looking. "

Coming from an era of Manic Miner when the main character was made of about 6 pixels I fail to see how anyone cannot be impressed by developments in graphics.  I'm still reeling from the fact that colours (that's the proper spelling by the way) can sit next to each other without clashing.  Sliding menus in Win XP make me just want to whoop with joy.  

Your alternative method of review provides 'feeling' -  more so than if you were describing the polygon rate or rendering engine.  Neither of these tell me if Mr M Miner is happy or not - I certainly can't tell from his face.  

http://www.mobygames.com/game/zx-spectrum/manic-miner/screenshots/gameShotId,127374/
October 13, 2006 6:40 AM
 

Lloyd said:

You're like a human spamming machine with your amazon links hehe...

But yea, good review, looks like a pretty good game but havn't played it yet... the first one was good though - even if it was a bit short!
October 13, 2006 9:19 AM
 

Red5 said:

I still have and use my circa 1977 StarWars pillow case.  It is all that remains of the complete sheet set.  I wonder if anyone on eBay would buy it, slightly used.

I HATE Jar-Jar.  If I had a light saber I would dice him up and make pate for my dog to eat.
October 13, 2006 3:06 PM
 

bliz said:

"Also, the main reason I'm reviewing it is in the hopes of making some money from Amazon referral links."

I feel as though I've been Lucased.
October 13, 2006 10:38 PM
 

bliz said:

Oh, and I believe that everyone who reviewed Lego Star Wars II on the Amazon site works for Lucasarts.
October 13, 2006 10:42 PM
 

RidiculousX said:

Funny... Yeah, I noticed you were hitting it heavy on the Lego Star Wars II links. Can I put a link in this with HTML? I don't want to try and then post it and make a fool of myself. Reading the help faq it talks about this BBCode thing, but no docs...

Bah, whatever, this better put food on your table :)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FLego-Star-Wars-II-Original%2Fdp%2FB000G7X0AO%2Fsr%3D8-5%2Fqid%3D1160641055%3Fie%3DUTF8&tag=neopoleon-20&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325

But back on topic. Yeah, 32 bit color depth is definately next generation-ish. At least, I assume it's 32 bit and next generation.
October 14, 2006 12:24 AM
 

Ian Smith said:

I loved the way "Spaced" said what most of us were thinking about the first new Star Bores movie.

Unfortunately Simon Pegg took away a lot of the good that dissing and sense of betrayal did when the third one came out and he joined Kevin Smith in saying he thought it was awesome and continued to do magazine interviews etc praising the whole franchise.  Kinda like thanking a mugger after he's stolen your wallet.
October 15, 2006 1:08 AM
 

Dave said:

[quote]
When I went home that day, I took down all my Star Wars posters, threw my Star Wars books in the trash, microwaved all my Star Wars figurines, had my cat named "Star Wars" put to sleep, burned my Star Wars bed sheets, stopped wearing my Darth Vader helmet around the house, kicked over my life-size limited edition Yoda statue, smashed my Star Wars mugs against my face, demagnetized all my Star Wars refrigerator magnets, and flushed my lightsaber down the toilet.
[end quote]

Dude, I remember that, but it wasn't the same day you saw the movie. You actually had about a six month denial period where you pretended to yourself that you liked Jar Jar. We were all pretty pleased when you came to your senses. But don't beat yourself up about it, you had a lot of emotional investment tied up there.

Apropos of nothing, thanks for not using my name in the you-know-what.
October 15, 2006 2:30 PM
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