I don't know why this suddenly matters to me so much.

I haven't posted anything in over a week, but I'm sitting here at work, minding my own business, doing work stuff, when it pops into my head, all at once - and I mean all at once, not bit by bit - that Yoda, who was, like, nine-hundred years old or something, this little green toady fellow who was able to move spaceships with his brain, who held a seat on the Jedi Council, who taught Luke Skywalker the ways of the Force, who made a nice bowl of rootleaf soup, who had all this philosophy crap nailed down...

...couldn't get the god damned grammar of English down. Seriously. It's messed up.

All that other stuff, and he can't figure out how not to end a sentence with a preposition.

And it's not like he didn't have time to learn. How many years was he living on Dagobah before Luke visited him? What was he doing the whole time? Watching TV? Mowing the swamp? Perfecting his rootleaf soup recipe?

Given the progress of events in the two distinct trilogies which comprise "Star Wars: The Original" and "Star Wars: The Total Fuck-Up", I'd say that Yoda had at least twenty-five years or so of downtime on Dagobah to get everything together.

But did he? Did he bring along a single grammar on "Basic" (the Star Wars version of English) to his little hobbit hovel?

No.

He just brought along a soup-pot and that nasty little robe he had been wearing for centuries without washing. He also evidently didn't bring along an ear-hair trimmer, 'cause there was more than one forest on Dagobah if you know what I'm talkin' about.

Now that I'm on the subject, here's something else I can't figure out:

"When nine-hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not, hmmmm?"

I don't remember if that's the exact line or not, but here's the issue: How did he keep track of years? The metric "year" refers to the amount of time it takes for the Earth to revolve around the sun (or roughly thereabouts - there's some sloppiness in the measurement, but it's pretty close).

It doesn't make any sense for Yoda to refer to himself as being nine-hundred years old since:

1. A year on Coruscant (where Yoda lived during his tenure on the Jedi Council) wasn't the same as a year on Earth

2. A year on Dagobah wasn't the same as a year on Earth

3. A year on Yoda's homeworld (whatever that's called) wasn't the same as a year on Earth

For all we really know, the guy was only about fifty in Earth years, but looked like shit because of his diet or something. Maybe eating rootleaf soup and keeping snakes as pets makes you age faster.

I don't know. It's all so stupid.

It's amazing how, year after year, George Lucas finds new ways to piss me off with material of his that's been around pretty much since I was born.

Screw you, George, and screw your little green baldy dwarf thing.