Have you ever had the worst year of your life?

I just did.

For the first time since the chemicals that form the Rory came to be, those chemicals will be celebrating the New Year.

I've never cared before.

But so much happened this year that changed my life. Some for the better. A lot of it for the worse. And I'd like to see this year wiped clean from my memory.

There are some things I feel I need to write about. I've asked my boss, Jeff, if I can do it. I just asked tonight, and I don't expect to hear back for a few days.

Long time readers might think it's strange that I'd even think of asking permission to write about something. At the very least, that should give you an idea as to how serious the subject is.

I've been having a hard time writing lately. Each time I sit down to do it, my thoughts turn to the thing that made this year a living hell. And I'm not talking about my grandmother's death. That was certainly a difficult event - and continues to be difficult - but it was natural and expected. Regardless of how much I love her, it was her time to go, and I can accept that.

So, there was something else. And it has nothing to do with the number of women I slept with this year (a number I'll keep private, thank you very much). It has nothing to do with how many times I crashed my car. Or the number of times I should have gotten a speeding ticket. Or the number of times I hugged my father.

At least not directly.

Indirectly, this year was hard in one particular way which touched every aspect of my life. And, until it's off my chest, I don't know how I can write here. I'm obsessing over it. And it's time I talked.

Here's to hoping that Jeff says "Yes."

I'll be back before long. I have so much to write about. I'm intimidated, actually, because I'm not sure how to begin. I've never tackled anything quite like this before.

If I get to tell you this story, it will probably take a couple weeks to get it all down. And, even then, it will be a long time before I'll be able to write anything without dwelling a little on it.

Sometimes, you don't say anything because you don't have anything to say.

Other times, like this, you don't say anything because you have, literally, about fifty thousand words ready to pour out of your head and onto the page.

And that would be the abridged version.

Talk to you soon.

Happy New Year.