"Of course, he can't guarantee that my career isn't going to be affected by this"

So maybe you have to find a different career. You said yesterday that your parents are pretty much going to be ok. If that turns out to be true, and you have the option of finding something else to do, and that something else makes you happy, then go for it. Sure, millions of Rory fans will throw away their novelty giant sunglasses and slit their wrists if you leave Channel9/Microsoft, but as long as they bleed on their own carpet, who cares? Do what you have to do to keep you sane. A deranged knife wielding Rory isn't going to do anyone (you, or Microsoft) any good.

It sounds like Jeff is being really cool about the whole thing, and is balancing "boss" and "friend" fairly well. Obviously there are things he might be obligated to do as "boss", but obviously I don't know the story yet.

In the meantime go buy yourself a January Second present and get your mind off of things. I saw <a href = "http://www.hammacher.com/publish/73647.asp?promo=new_items&cm_ven=CJ&cm_pla=1781363&cm_ite=Hammacher+Schlemmer&cm_cat=1511450">this</a> in my engadget feed, and for some twisted reason thought of you.

P.S. you know RSS has to be evil when I have Rory in my inbox.

I'm ready with my popcorn (and kerchiefs, just in case)....

Well, I'm here for you if you need me. You know that.

Why should it affect your career?
People come to their careers for all kinds of reasons. It's the job interview thing: you sometimes sit across someone who sees too much into the how and why of the job of choice.
Is the stuff you deliver good? Well, that's all that's important. If the reason for you to do it isn't in the Secret Rule Book of the Employers, the rule book is wrong. Period.

I have taken jobs for the money, I have taken jobs because I need to work with computers. Wrong reasons? I don't think so. If the reasons result in the work being delivered, what else do you need? The sing it's praises as well? To express your undying love for it? What a load of willies.

Being a streetsweeper is an honest job. But does anyone expect them in a job interview to say how they love to clean the streets, how a sweeped pavement brings joy in their hearts? And is an IT guy more elevated than a streetsweeper? Don't think so.

Anyone who says 'well, Rory, had we known this we might not have hired you' needs to come and talk to me. I'll talk sense into them.

Go for it dude. Whatever you've got to get off your chest, better to let it out than internalize it.

Rory you must resist the urge... This is yourself from the future and you have no idea of the social and geopolitical ramifications that will arise from the telling of your story. You must stop now, before it's too late... think of the children... oh no now I've erased my own exis.. ... ...

Ok Rory, I like you a whole bunch - you know that. I'm also a voyeur - perhaps you didn't (want to) know that. So the other day when you blogged about an untold personal story that had affected you so profoundly this year, needless to say I was more than a bit interested.

Then you blogged it back. I found your motives for this admirable...not wanting to put another human person in a difficult position is something I can always get behind (unless they happen to be George W. Bush or beer28).

Now you've pulled on of those "slam on the brakes while simultaneously turning the wheel of the car really hard in order to go in the opposite direction" thingys you see so often in action movies like "Die Hard" and "Driving Miss Daisy".

If you change your mind back, I'm going to get on a plane, fly across the good ol' US of A and kill you.

But only after I force you to tell me the story.

Did I mention how much I liked you?

Kettch -

"So maybe you have to find a different career. You said yesterday that your parents are pretty much going to be ok. If that turns out to be true, and you have the option of finding something else to do, and that something else makes you happy, then go for it."

That's something I'd do - eventually.

Truth is, I honestly *love* my current job. The work. The people. Everything. I've never had such a great experience.

I won't leave until I feel I'm no longer a help to Channel 9. At that point, I'll look for another job, either inside Microsoft or out. The only requirement is that it will have to be interesting and challenging.

If I can't find such a job, then I'll write a book. I have so many planned and outlined that it wouldn't be that hard. The reason I'm not doing it right now is that too much of my energy is taken up by work and other activities. I just don't have time. The ideas and inspiration are there, but I can't put them to use *quite* yet.

But I will.

Someday :)

"Sure, millions of Rory fans will throw away their novelty giant sunglasses and slit their wrists if you leave Channel9/Microsoft, but as long as they bleed on their own carpet, who cares?"

Well. Um.

(raises hand)

*I* care.

"Do what you have to do to keep you sane. A deranged knife wielding Rory isn't going to do anyone (you, or Microsoft) any good."

Again, I agree. If it ever hits the point that I feel like this is the grind rather than a job, I'll leave. I gave up money to come here for the promise of interesting work. That, of course, means that the thing that's keeping me here is the joy of doing what I do.

Once that's gone, I will be, too.

"It sounds like Jeff is being really cool about the whole thing, and is balancing "boss" and "friend" fairly well."

People on the outside of this situation have no idea. He isn't just being cool about this - he's just amazingly good with *everything*. He trusts and respects his employees. He provides a lot of motivation. He has tons of brilliant ideas.

In short, I *know* that I'm having an experience right now that will be unique among all in my lifetime. I'll have others that will be just as good, I'm sure, but different in kind - not quality.

Like I've said before, any boss who arrives at your office and commands that you go play BurgerTime and Ms. Pac-Man with him is someone worth working for.

"In the meantime go buy yourself a January Second present and get your mind off of things. I saw:  http://www.hammacher.com/publish/73647.asp?promo=new_items&cm_ven=CJ&cm_pla=1781363&cm_ite=Hammacher+Schlemmer&cm_cat=1511450 ...in my engadget feed, and for some twisted reason thought of you."

That thing is *so* amazing.

I want it.

*NOW*.

George -

"Well, I'm here for you if you need me. You know that."

Of course :)

I'd never think otherwise. You've been a very good friend to me since we met. Unfortunately, because of my self-centered attitude, I don't think I've been as good a friend to you, but I do appreciate it, yo.

I'm working on that self-centered thing, though. I don't think I'll ever fully get rid of it, but I can decrease the mass of my ego such that it is no longer the densest object in space.

eblonk -

"Why should it affect your career?"

I'm going to start telling the story tomorrow.

By the end of the first post, you'll have a vague understanding of how it could affect my career.

In later posts, it'll be totally clear.

"Is the stuff you deliver good? Well, that's all that's important. If the reason for you to do it isn't in the Secret Rule Book of the Employers, the rule book is wrong. Period."

I agree with you. To a point, of course. I mean, I wouldn't want a murderer on staff since it might hurt team morale, but I think that many things are irrelevant to the job. I made a huge mistake, and I want to write about it to get it off my chest, and I'm hoping that others will think the way you do by the time I'm done.

"Anyone who says 'well, Rory, had we known this we might not have hired you' needs to come and talk to me. I'll talk sense into them."

I'd make the same argument, but my boss answers to another boss who answers to another boss who answers to... you get the idea.

In going forward with this, I'm sure Jeff will be supportive, but I would understand if someone at MS wanted me fired - even though the story begins and ends in the past.

Whatever the outcome, though, I feel like I *have* to tell it, and I have a plan to ensure that it's put to good use. There's more going on here than just my desire to Explain.

Anyway, thanks for your comment. It's always a pleasure to hear from an open-minded, rational person. They're so rare nowadays (at least where I'm from).

JoeG -

"Now you've pulled on of those "slam on the brakes while simultaneously turning the wheel of the car really hard in order to go in the opposite direction" thingys you see so often in action movies like "Die Hard" and "Driving Miss Daisy".

If you change your mind back, I'm going to get on a plane, fly across the good ol' US of A and kill you."

Don't worry - I'm going forward with it :)

I owe you, anyway. I think it was you, the last time we talked (at that theater outside Boston), who divulged some information many people would consider too private to share.

I'm going to return the favor.

Indeed it was me. Damn! Now you know who the mysterious JoeG really is ;)

Oh, and I wasn't really going to kill you.

Rory Said: "I won't leave until I feel I'm no longer a help to Channel 9. At that point, I'll look for another job, either inside Microsoft or out. The only requirement is that it will have to be interesting and challenging."

In the meantime, keep your eyes open for projects to work on that will get you as close to writing, or whatever it is that really interests you, as possible. Heck, make up projects and pitch them, who knows.

"He isn't just being cool about this - he's just amazingly good with *everything*."

I've sort of got that impression quite a bit since C9 went live.

Oh, and about the mass suicide thing...err, yeah. I suppose I meant the "who cares" thing in the whole "big picture" and "the earth isn't going to spin off it's axis sort of context. If I've somehow planted that idea in the heads of your fans by bringing it up, well we all need to learn not to do what faceless people on the internet tell us to do sooner or later. Anyway, you can't tell me that the thought millions of fanatical minions doesn't stroke the ego, just a little bit.

Everybody know the Chinese saying about every journey beginning with that first step, but remember you can always post part of the story on Channel9 and the juicy bits here.

Hey... I noticed thestupidestman.com is available... ;)

/me kicks back with a beer and awaits the fireworks.