Dear Family,

At Saturday's memorial, quite a few of you told me that you google me every now and then to find my site and give yourself the gift of my awesomeness.

Obviously, you should not stop doing that.

But, I wrote a post last night that I don't want you to see. Given how little time has passed between the memorial and today, I suspect that some of you may have already googled and given yourself the gift of my crude and absurd critique of homophobia wrapped in a more or less irrelevant beginning and ending that I only wrote to provide the critique with a context.

I was a little wound up that day. I'm always a little wound up when one of my family members is arrested.

There. That gives you a whole other scandal to investigate.

If you don't care about the arrest, then I strongly suggest you maneuver your browser over here. It's a site that's jam-packed with wholesome photos of puppies.

Although I had a lot of fun writing that last post, I know it's only going to appeal to a select few, and I don't think you're among that audience. Normally, I'd continue on shamelessly since I don't care what strangers think, but I do care about what you think since I like to act all sophisticated at familial events, and that's going to be hard to do if you discover what a savage I am.

So... that's about it.

Remember: someone was arrested. This is a mystery whose secret is worthy of forensic pursuit, and I hereby declare the whole lot of you Deputies in the County of Neopoleon.

Please - go pursue forensically. Come back and read my site when you're done. By then the controversial post should be buried so deeply in the page that your laptop's batteries would run dry before you could finish scrolling down to it.

Whatever you do, and for the love of whatever god or alien or alien-god you believe in, don't scroll down the page.

And check out those puppies.

Toodles,

- Rory