I'm gonna git me a a web site. I know there's a bunch out there already, but mine's gonna be different. It's gonna have a cool, really hard to remember URL. I'm gonna call it "Neopoleon.com." And every time I search for it on google, it's gonna ax me "Did you mean: napoleon?" But I don't mind. I didn't mean "napoleon."

When it's up and running, I'm going to use it to make the world a stupider place - one person at a time. I'm going to post dumb little things that are dumb and also maybe stupid.

I plan, one day, to have as many as thirty readers. Thirty people, all made dumber because they visited my site.

I threaten you, Earth!

Earth, you are threatened!

With very little exaggeration, that's how I started this site. I really did mean to destroy the Earth by brainwashing the intelligent people of this good planet, but I stopped because I couldn't find any. I apologize if you take offense to this, but I'd caution you to keep your objections to yourself, as an attempt to out yourself as a brain-master will only put you on my List.

As a frustrated evil genius, I can tell you something, pal - you do not want to be on the List.

We clear?

We're clear.

Since failing in my first endeavor, I've refocused my attention to a more worthwhile cause.

Yes. As you are well aware by now, I want your money.

But money is not the focus here tonight (it's night in Seattle - if you're someplace else where it isn't night, and you're all "It isn't night," then you live in a country with a broken sun, and that's not my problem).

There's this sixteen year old kid in India named Yuvi. He had this to say on the subject of His Royal Awesomeness:

Teenagers are supposed to have some idols. Y'know, people who they follow around all the time on TV/Internet/MySpace/Whatever. Whenever said teenager talks about said idol, they'll be frothing at the mouth and various biological compounds of unknown origin will find their way into the bloodstream of said teenager.

And then:

I'm a teenager, and Rory Blyth is one of my idols. His was one of the first blogs I read (I got there through another idol, Sriram Krishnan), and one of the blogs where I don't just read through the RSS, but actually go out and read through the archives. I'm that kind of a Fan. Shruti often comments that I have a crush on his words. Not just his blog, but his videos and podcast as well. Infact, the only Channel9 videos(well, videos from anywhere, infact) I download are Rory's, and the only podcast I listen to is Rory's(Though he's been off it for sometime now. Wassup yo?). While this is partly because of my bandwidth restrictions (Try living on 2.5 gigs of upstream and downstream data a month), this is also partly not because of my bandwidth restrictions. He could interview my Geography textbook and actually make it interesting.

HELL, YEAH.

Seriously. It makes you feel pretty demmed good to read something like that. I mean, I'm one of his idols. This kid on the other side of the planet, his friend teases, "[has] a crush on [my] words."

The whole post has to be one of the nicest compliments I've ever received. All my elementary, middle school, and high school teachers would have had something else to say on the subject of my words.

I don't know if you people have figured this out yet, but I want to be a writer. A big step toward making that possible arrives on Tuesday, but I need assurance now and then that I don't stink, and this is the kind of thing that allows me to stop overcompensating for my lack of ego by faking a huge ego - instead, I can, for a while, just feel normalish.

Also, before I forget, Yuvi, the podcast is starting again. I've been talking to Carl about how to construct a lightweight recording setup for my home. I've been getting emails for months about why there aren't any new episodes (or at least not many), and I didn't have a good answer. Now I can avoid the question altogether without feeling guilty :)

Moving away from the greatness of me for a minute, I've been wanting to get some sort of shout out to Yuvi for a while now anyway. Given the nature of this post, it's possible that a bunch of you have already dropped off (this is basically a public "thank you" to one person, but I'm hoping others stick around), but there's a post of his... well, just read it:

Deforestation

I love it and I hate it.

I love it because it's funny.

I hate it because I wish I had written it.

(I said as much long before the "idol" post, by the by.)

So, I guess this was just my way of thanking Yuvi publicly.

There's nothing I like more than tons of cash given to me by strangers, but finding out that I've achieved hero status in this kid's life is dandy, too.

Thanks, Yuvi :)

I gotta go now, people - my sleep meds are kicking in, and I'm slurring my typing...