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This Girl...

It's the middle of the night. I'm sitting on my couch where I've been sucking on orange tic-tacs for the past hour, getting lost inside my head. I do this a lot. Not the way people, say, play golf a lot. Those people mean to play golf. I think. I don't know.

I don't mean to get lost in my head. (And I think golf is STUPID! YEAH! YOU HEARD ME, BABY - GOLF IS FOR LOOOOOOOOOOOSSEEEEEERRRRRSSSSSS - BRING IT ON! I'LL HEADBUTT YOU!)

Often, when I get lost in my noggin, it's a memory. Usually something horrible, but it isn't always about my childhood. Tonight it was something special...

The place I moved to in Portland is in one of my favorite neighborhoods. I've spent most of the past decade in or around here. The fallout of that much time in a place you love that much is that there are probably some people walking around you'd rather avoid. And vice-versa.

One of the people I want to avoid in the same way I'd like to avoid getting my eye poked out with a 747 is this girl. I don't dare use her name. She's just... this girl.

This girl who... lives about half a block away. I knew that when I took this apartment, but I wasn't going to let... this girl... ruin anything for me. I was here long before she was, and I'm sure most of you know by now that I'm an extremely mature adult human being person who can handle living this close to this girl and be grownup about it and not make faces at her when I see her in the street but she can't see me.

But, the memory...

I'm not sure how to describe my status with this girl. I wouldn't say I was dating her. I also wouldn't say I wasn't sleeping with her. If I were to say I wasn't sleeping with her, then I'd be describing her boyfriend at the time. Who wasn't me. Because I wasn't even dating her. I just wouldn't say I wasn't sleeping with her.

He's English. While I wasn't not sleeping with her, he was in England. He was trying to get to the states, but an ocean got in the way.

She's American. And hot. And she was very charming.

I'll leave it at that for now. It's much more complicated if you include all the drama. Especially between her and her boyfriend. He had this irritating habit of calling when I was over.

Before continuing, by the by, I'm innocent in all this. She told me she was breaking up with him. But then she wasn't. But then she was. And then, after a few months of me not not sleeping with her, she was engaged to him, so breaking up was unlikely, but, she said, "...this doesn't change anything."

They're in for a long happy marriage. HA HA HA!

Anyway, yeah, things were seriously fekked.

I knew it. She knew it. Her boyfriend (fiance - whatever) knew it.

What really drove it home for me was a Sunday morning.

This girl and I had just gotten to sleep. It was about 9:00 AM, and I think I'd nodded off for about an hour. The normal course of action for a Sunday was that the boyfriend would call, and I'd go do drugs. It was so domestic.

What he had never done - at least not on one of the 847 nights I'd stayed at her place that summer - was call at 9:00 AM.

And, as far as I know, he never did.

It was her mom.

Woo! Aright! Woo!

Her mom lived two hours south of Portland. They had a little money, and her mom is an impulsive person. She paid cash for a Hummer one weekend because there was a package deal where the dealership threw in a few guns. I'm not kidding.

She also traveled around a lot. Impulsive. You know.

When this girl answered her phone (if you haven't figured it out by now with all the phone talk, her phone was ringing), she said some stuff that would have been followed by an exclamation point if I were writing it. But, if there's one thing I don't do, it's sully the reputation of a lady.

The interestingly-punctuated stuff was all in response to who wasn't calling. As in: it wasn't her boyfriend. Who wasn't me. I wasn't even dating her.

It was her mom. And her mom, I learned, as the girlfriend of the guy who wasn't there whose girlfriend I wasn't not sleeping with got dressed in a hurry, was downstairs.

Was mom supposed to be there? No.

Impulsive.

I was instructed to get dressed. Like, NOW, MISTER.

I was zipping my fly just as the door to the apartment opened. I had enough time to throw on a shirt. I decided to wear my own. This girl has fantastic taste in clothing, so I didn't have to wear my own shirt. I just wish, in retrospect, that I had gone out to meet her mother while wearing a torn women's size XXXXS tank-top with the Union flag on the front. Actually, for people who know me, that might not even have been all that strange. I wanted to make a good impression when meeting the family, though, so I put on my own shirt. It was more like a women's size XXXS black t-shirt. I looked handsome.

Her mom didn't warm up to me. I didn't expect her to. I was the boy who obviously wasn't not sleeping with her daughter, the boyfriend of whom (who wasn't me) was a dear, dear friend of the family.

But this is where it gets awesome beyond any recognizable shape of awesome in any of its colors, flavors, or preservative-free non-GMO organic offerings.

I sit down on the couch next to this girl, her mom sits down in a chair, and someone walks in from out in the hallway.

No - it's not the girl's boyfriend. That'd be too obvious.

No.

Who comes in to sit down with us? With the mother, the daughter, and the boy?

This is so great: a man who was not the husband of the woman or the father of the daughter, but who was absolutely not not sleeping with the mother, whose husband (who this man most certainly was not) was still back at home, probably driving around the property in a Hummer while blowing things away with the free guns.

Yep.

This girl was cheating on her boyfriend, the mother was cheating on her husband, the daughter's not-boyfriend was there, the mother's not-husband was there, and we all sat down that morning to watch TV together in a situation so tense and so uncomfortable that I much rather would have liked to have had my eye poked out by a 747.

We don't talk anymore.


[Gratuitous Links to my Homies - Not Part of the Post Above] [Learn More]

I'll come back and try to do this part in the morning. It's a miracle I even wrote a post. I did what, given my diagnosis from this past year suggests, was a sort of bipolar-crash-thing. Coming out of it. I think. Dunno. Stuff is weird.

Published Tuesday, January 15, 2008 1:55 AM by Rory

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Comments

 

Massif said:

Awesome, you could have formed a social club or something. "Uncommited Anonymous" (best name I could think of, alright... ? good! because I wouldn't want my bad humour to spoil this anony-friendship. I'm Tom, BTW, just in case I never introduced myself during all this web-related intercourse.)

Also, congrats on winning "most gratuitous use of the double negative in a serious blog post" award. Which, is a reference to Douglas Adam's, and ironically the "most gratuitous use of the word fuck in a serious screenplay" award was called a Rory. Co-incidence? I THINK NOT!

I'm fortunate, the only girl I've ever not-not slept with while we were failing to go out then went out with me and we got married. Although it's also a shame, because I couldn't have joined your club for people with commitment issues.

Hope the bi-polarism isn't getting you down too much, or up too much, do people have different axes? Or is it just up and down? I'd be quite interested in meeting someone who veered mentally left and right all the time (politically would be interesting too.)

Bah! Ta ta.
January 15, 2008 5:50 AM
 

Ian said:

That is fantastic! Sorry mate, I'm glad it was not you who had the not uncomfortable experience because I am so not laughing about it right now!
January 15, 2008 9:49 AM
 

Astrid said:

Huh.  Intense.

I wish I could come up with a better comment than that, but I'm feeling unusually pithy today.

Oh, wait, here's some verbosity for you: when I'm madly in lust (or more) with someone, and I then find out they're married/engaged/in some type of relationship where exclusivity is expected, I immediately head for the hills.  Screaming.  Actually, I generally save the screaming for AFTER I've headed for the hills, when I'm successfully hidden behind said hills and out of auditory range of everybody else involved.  I find that this generally saves me all sorts of potential (and assumedly greater) heartbreak, awkwardness etc.  Alas, this doesn't stop me from subsequently Google-stalking (over the course of several years, in some cases) these people; a tactic which, let's face it, is the equivalent of getting a few hundred paper cuts all over your body, diving into an Olympic-sized swimming pool of lemon juice, and THEN getting your eye poked out by a 747.  But, hey, that's how I roll.

Your story is an excellent cautionary tale, and while it is enormously entertaining, it also confirms for me that the running towards hills/screaming/papercuts/lemon juice pool/Google-stalking approach is better all around.  Thank you for performing such a vital public service.
January 15, 2008 11:01 AM
 

Dave said:

I have a theory that each of us can categorise our lives by a genre of fiction. I got "fraudulent research results", you got "soap opera."
January 15, 2008 4:12 PM
 

Celes said:

@Astrid

"Alas, this doesn't stop me from subsequently Google-stalking (over the course of several years, in some cases) these people"

It's nice to know that not not some other woman doesn't not do this.
(We shan't not kill this joke dead.)

@Rory

I'm at a point with my own blog where I am conflicted about whether or not I should write about things like this when they come up in my head. I do the same sort of thing, replay that same scene, play a fictional scene of telling that scene to someone else, play that scene only with me saying or doing something different, playing a follow up scene that has never and will never happen.

Why the hell do we torture ourselves?

I once had a roommate who was convinced that video games caused more stress than relieved it since people like me would really get worked up and into them.

No, it's because we get so worked up and into them that they relieve stress (same goes for reading). If I'm thinking about rolling up enough things to roll up a really big cow, I'm not thinking about the same stupid thing (that say... happened over a year ago) over  and over again.

I generally do my best to avoid such situations as you've described above. I don't have the emotional capacity for them (or lack of emotional sensitivity I guess). That doesn't mean that I don't still find myself in awkward places... all ruining friendships and making it hard to walk around outside my apartment. I moved back here after five years of only visiting.

For one, my ex-fiance's parent's live on the next street over. I don't even know if they (or he for that matter) know I live over here. No, we don't talk anymore, though I did pet their cat the other day.

And... I'd kind of rather step in cat crap than have an encounter (for cat crap, see Rory's last post).

There are a lot of ghosts here.

When I find myself doing this obsessive remembering (especially before bed), I make up stories about fantastical characters instead. It distracts me. Later it could lead to a new scene in a story I'm writing. Often, this will be a continuation of a story I started telling myself some other night or day. I've done this for as long as I can remember, and it works pretty well.
January 15, 2008 7:22 PM
 

GuyIncognito said:

nah, rory... you're quadpolar.   :)

i have about 400 months of posts to catch up on.

any word on condensing your posts to fit on a roll of toilet paper?  i do most of my reading in the bathroom these days.
January 16, 2008 11:01 PM
 

gian said:

While surfing on the Net I found your blog, I stopped at it to have a rest and I  explored it. There is interesting stuff displayed. Now I continue my surfing…
Make a stop at my blog, if you wish.    Ciao.
January 17, 2008 5:53 AM
 

Felix said:

I would say romantic comedy. Watch for this scene in one of the yet-to-be-released.
January 17, 2008 4:51 PM
 

Erwin Blonk said:

And you didn't propose to swap? You know, jokingly, just to break the ice, to get the tension out of the way?
I'm sure, given the situation, they would have found it hilarious.
January 24, 2008 4:45 AM
 

John C. Randolph said:

You rock.  This post was like reading a Nick Hornby novel.

-jcr
February 15, 2008 7:46 PM
 

rachel said:

i love the music oh wait its okay
February 19, 2008 8:57 AM
 

ME + YOUr attention = The Seize » Blog Archive » Past Sitting Beside You said:

February 22, 2008 5:34 PM
 

Commentor said:

What? You guys did not not have an orgy!?!
February 27, 2008 10:27 AM
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About Rory

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