In the early months of 2004, I discovered Future Gogs. They're just what they sound like.

They're gogs.

They have something to do with the future.

They're Future Gogs.

And you don't have them. I have them. You do not. I do.

Me.

I kept them a secret because, at the time, I didn't know how they worked. I wore them because I thought they looked cool. They reminded me of earlier days when I went to parties wearing a blue towel, a brown turtleneck, and plastic bags around my shoes. The womens thought the towel was sexy. The plastic bags were a good conversation starter, and they were an even better conversation stopper.

The turtleneck kept me warm.

The Future Gogs seemed like another conversation starting/stopping garment. I never took them out, though - far too precious, and also too fragile. Conversations would have to be started and stopped using other methods, the most effective of which I've found to be opening my mouth.

Several weeks ago, I had Best Friend Felix over to help me out in The Great Drinking and Smoking Experiment. While in my company, I shared with him the miracle of my Future Gogs and then asked him to take part in The Most Important Interview Mankind Would Ever Know.

We captured forty-five minutes of raw footage that I've edited down to less than forty-five minutes.

Today, I share ten of those minutes with you.

Behold Rory and His Amazing Future Gogs:

[Gratuitous Links to my Homies - Not Part of the Post Above] [Learn More]

- Kent Newsome - Although he doesn't come right out and say it, my interpretation of the first paragraph of his recent post is that Kent thinks I'm a genius. It could be that I'm reading into it, but I'd like to give Kent the benefit of the doubt. I accept.

- Anand Iyer - Anand was one of my closer friends at Microsoft. He gots all sissy teary-eyed in his I've-been-at-this-company-for-three-years post. I found his overbearing sentimentality to be in extremely poor taste until I saw that, in his list of things he's thankful for, I'm one of the things. Anybody who recognizes that I'm soul food for the human condition is someone who is at least half as intelligent as I am, and possibly twice that minus one.