So you suffer from SAD? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SAD the "Seasonal Affective Disorder" one, not the others) You can get a lamp which'll make you feel better if that's the problem. (Someone I know refers to it as his "happy lamp".) And that's on-top of your Bipolarismness? Dude... Ouch...

When I get depressed I watch too much porn and play pointless computer games. Which is actually pretty depressing. So I stopped doing that, and instead I sit in the corner pretending to read clever books. Which is still slightly depressing, but at least I get to feel that other people are looking at me admiringly.

Of course, moving somewhere warmer might help too.

Are you sure it's not just the same hippy over and over again? Are you being stalked by a hippy?

Scary thought.

Also: Obligatory Cartman Quote: "I hate them! God Damn Hippies!"

Was the effort to mimic Brad Pitt's speech pattern in '12 Monkeys' intentional, or are these your natural mannerisms?

It's a common way of talking amongst crazy people.

Portland, Oregon has A LOT in common with Portland, Maine (or at least I gather from this post).

In Maine, they call it "mud season". The snow banks get smaller (if there are any) as massive amounts of rain pile up on ground that cannot absorb it quickly enough. The rain is horizontal because it's windy (the "Port" part of "Portland") all the time, so people wander about wet with inside-out umbrellas. I mastered the umbrella technique of P-land- like a martial art in the way you have to swing it around with the changing of the wind.

And hippies... don't get me started. I went to school with those people (the ones who went to school). I had never seen so many people with dreads in one place until I moved there. I have never seen so many ever again.

Since I lived around these people for so long, I can clear something up. You get the large diesel buses and vans with the intention of converting the fueling system over to earth-friendly biodiesel. There was one that had gone through this transformation in all of Portland called the "Freedabus". It was hippie painted and sported a small kitchen and 'library'. It would park in various places in Portland, often Tommy's Park or Post Office Park. I didn't see it the last year I was in P-land. It was part of a hippie collective known as The People's Free Space. It's the only one I've seen of its kind. Hippies have a lot of ideas, but to do them... there are few exceptions.

Brendon at Strange Maine was an exception. He made his own successful hippie business. He also was of the rare "nice dreads" breed.

You got it though, down to the off rhythm bongo playing. The Summer sounds of Portland...

I never had to defend my dairy and meat eating self so much either. I am an omnivore. Some of those people aren't vegan so much as anorexic. If you don't care about animal rights, they'll talk about how healthy while clutching their coffee and cigarette to their uninsulated, malnurished bodies. It's both sad and funny.

I never got sucked in by all of this.

At least they're friendly, though (unless you run interference with their drugs or say something positive about the Bush administration).

So the person who named Portland, Oregon after Portland, Maine knew what he was talking about. I don't know if they had hippies back then... maybe he was a prophet..?

The weather inland in MA is changeable. It's okay, even if I often open the door and do a 180 to switch clothes. The fog is nasty for driving. Okay, you got me, it sucks in its own right.

Sun? Do you actually go out in the sun, Rory? You strike me as the hiding from the sun type.

Wow, I can't remember the last video I've seen online which made me laugh nonstop, from beginning to end, the way yours did.  Thank you for totally making my week!  There's this other guy on MySpace who recently sent me a picture of a wedge of cheese doing interpretive dance within an Edward Gorey illustration, and that had made this week for me, at least until I witnessed your video above.  Rock on for beating out Goreyesque interpretive cheese, which is no mean feat.

Anyway, I agree with Massif about getting a 'happy lamp' (I find it's easier to simply live in Los Angeles, but maybe that's just me), and I agree with Celes that you seem like the hide-from-the-sun type.  If you're anything like me in your particular seasonal mood disorder, you don't have to be outside in light and warmth, but just knowing you have that option right outside your door can make all the difference.

Ever consider doing stand-up comedy?

Massif -

"You can get a lamp which'll make you feel better if that's the problem."

Yeah - I just started researching these. I've been meaning to get one each year, but I don't like ordering things over the net. I want the thing *now*. And, in some weird way, not getting it at all is better than having to wait for it. I hate feeling trapped by the tyranny of package delivery services. It's always, "We'll be there between Tuesday and Friday, and our window is from 9:00 AM to 3:30 PM. Please remain at home for those days and time. Once the package has been delivered, you may resume your normal life."

I hate mail. I hate package delivery. If Jolene Blalock were available for order on the web, I'd forgo simply because, as I've made clear, I hate waiting for packages.

However... I'm starting to think that maybe I ought to tough it out. I've negotiated with UPS before, telling them to just leave the damned thing, and that I'll happily assume the risk of its theft. The idea of changing my life for a day because a package is coming... I don't know. It'd be like slamming on the brakes in my car to avoid running over an ant. I don't want to be at the behest of a thing that lacks self-awareness, yet somehow exerts control over me.

I've thought about this a lot. I don't know if that's obvious or what.

"When I get depressed I watch too much porn and play pointless computer games."

That's actually a good plan. There's a cycle involved with depression and anxiety where emotional hypervigilance can make things much worse. Getting your focus out of your head is an effective way to prevent that cycle from beginning or continuing.

Some people would describe that as repressing a thought or emotion or whatever and that it'll come back to bite you later, but it's different when you're truly depressed. The depression isn't a tangible thought - it's a state. Avoiding dealing with feeling down because it's rainy out isn't something that's going to cause problems in the future. You aren't going to be driving along years later and suddenly freeze, realizing where you went wrong. Instead, you'll probably just, provided circumstances are good, go on about your merry little way.

I've been playing an involving, challenging word jumble game. I can go at it for three hours without looking away from the screen. It's relentless with its word jumbly demands.

It helps.

"Are you sure it's not just the same hippy over and over again? Are you being stalked by a hippy?"

The area of Portland I live in is well known for hippie infestation. They all look the same, but you see them in groups, proving that it isn't the same hippie over and over.

They exist in great numbers, and I think it's time something was done about it. Given that they're a public health risk, I feel the Environmental Protection Agency should step in and do what it was created to do.

We need to round these things up and place them in special camps surrounded by razorwire fences. All the ground would be mud, and there would always be a horribly boring "jam band" doing its thing up front. Nachos would be supplied for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (to distract the prisoners from thinking about their incarceration).

I know it sounds a little... oh, I don't know... Nazi. But the hippies wouldn't know the difference, and because they *love* dancing in the mud arhythmically to crappy music while eating nachos and smoking dope, they'd probably never achieve the kind of self-awareness to realize their situation. They'd also have a great time.

I would call this "The Concentration Concert."

Jack -

"Was the effort to mimic Brad Pitt's speech pattern in '12 Monkeys' intentional, or are these your natural mannerisms?"

No and Yes.

I don't see the connection. I developed the speech and gestures slowly over several years of public speaking, podcast crap, video stuff, and whatever else I was involved in where I had to communicate with large groups of people in interesting ways to keep their attention.

There are many things I still do from those days simply as a matter of rote and routine.

I'm *always* late when meeting people. I was *always* late to the airport back when I was flying a lot. The connection is that, before heading to the airport, I checked, checked, and checked again to ensure I had everything I'd need for the trip. Now, I check, check, and check again to ensure I have everything I need for the night out, and also in the event that something horrible happens, leaving me stranded. You'd be surprised how many times horrible things have happened that left me stranded. You'd also be surprised at how many of those situations can be improved by a Nintendo DS Lite.

Everything you witness, then, is the result of years of accumulated behaviors. There is no conscious effort to imitate anyone else.

That's what style is, and I'd say I have style.

Celes -

"In Maine, they call it 'mud season'."

I spent a winter in Connecticut, and I had never seen a more miserable sight.

I can sum it up by saying that I finally understood H.P. Lovecraft.

"You get the large diesel buses and vans with the intention of converting the fueling system over to earth-friendly biodiesel."

There's a lot of biodiesel around here. One of my friends has been working in the biodiesel industry for a few years now. Talking to him, getting the "inside" story (provided his perspective and experiences are representative), I got the idea that biodiesel is much more about doing away with dependency on foreign fossil-fuel oil producers than it is the environment.

Biodiesel, although not as nasty for the environment as conventional fuel, still pollutes like hell. There's also the problem of the source of raw materials. Trees come to mind. Lots and lots of trees. Cut down and converted to fuel. Probably *not* such a great thing.

"At least they're friendly, though"

About fourteen years ago, I got invited to this party being thrown by Ken Kesey. I thought it'd be interesting to see what kind of stuff this guy did in his spare time, as well as what kind of company he kept.

Based on my own standards, it wasn't a party. It was a bunch of stinky people lying on the floor of a theater, smoking pot (I'm not against pot, but I feel it's a selfish drug in that it promotes selfish, fiendish behavior (I used to be very congenial and generous on my drug of choice)), and running out of hot wings.

It was about four dozen disgruntled, grumpy, whiny, hungry, lazy, boring people. There was a stupid light show going on, music, the expected indoor roller derby and crap like that, but most of the people in the room looked like zombies having a picnic with no food because it went so quickly.

I've also encountered many hippies who were confrontational, militant, and extremely judgmental. Yeah, I'm judgmental, too, but I don't go around pretending to be about peace, love, understanding, acceptance, and other things hippies aren't.

I'm apolitical, and when one of those bastards gets in my face about signing a petition that they don't even want me to read, I get a little pissed off. They nag and pressure and guilt and do all the things that any *good* salesperson knows are huge turnoffs for the customer. Their sales pitch is, "I'm right, you're wrong, and you're so stupid that I'm going to demand you sign this petition that expresses my opinion, and that you do so without having the chance to educate yourself on the subject first."

I enjoy it nowadays, as I have a set of offensive behaviors I adopt when being pestered by these people. I've turned a negative into a positive. I'm proud of myself for that. Go me.

"Sun? Do you actually go out in the sun, Rory? You strike me as the hiding from the sun type."

I love the sun. When it's springtime in Portland, I go for long walks everyday through my favorite neighborhoods. It's one of the ways I meet people around town. I'm out so much that social interaction is unavoidable.

I love the neon green caused by sun passing through the trees. I also love the shade of huge oaks. A little breeze makes it all perfect.

But I only do that when I can find the sun. Right now, it's on milk cartons.

Astrid -

"Wow, I can't remember the last video I've seen online which made me laugh nonstop, from beginning to end, the way yours did."

That fascinates me.

There's a theme here - through the years, I've produced many bits of content that I thought were totally lame, and then someone winds up loving them. I don't get it.

I thank you profusely, then, for liking what I thought was a weak video. I thought it had its moments, but those moments were few.

When I work hard on something that I think is grand, the reception is nowhere near the approval I'd hoped for and expected.

So strange.

Maybe I should focus on doing things that I think are mediocre. It's possible that my view of reality is skewed in a way that I think mediocre things are great and great things mediocre.

Or maybe I shouldn't think about it so much...

"Ever consider doing stand-up comedy?"

Yeah, but whenever I think about it, I wind up thinking about my friend Adam. He's a comedic genius. He knows his body and expressions well enough to be able to make even the flattest joke hilarious. He's also freakishly clever - witty - all the things that allow someone to be truly funny. He never tells the "So a frog walked into a bar with the Pope stuck between his legs..." jokes. Like me, he makes it all up as he goes along. The difference is that, although I think I'm funny, quirky, and charming, he's just a comedy god.

I'm envious of the guy.

So, as i was saying, every time I think about doing standup, I call him and tell him that he needs to do standup. All he'd have to do is get up in front of the mic and be himself. The difficulty is that, like many people, he finds public speaking difficult. He doesn't like having cameras on him, mics turned toward him, or a large group of people watching him closely.

I *love* public speaking, but I'm not as funny, clever, or witty as he is.

I know when I'm beat, and I have a lot of Adam Pride, so instead of going up and doing a shoddy job of it, I want to see him disable people with his quick, entertaining wiles.

I will, however, take your question as a generous compliment. It made me feel super good.

""In Maine, they call it 'mud season'."
I spent a winter in Connecticut, and I had never seen a more miserable sight.
I can sum it up by saying that I finally understood H.P. Lovecraft."

Lovecraft lived in Providence, Rhode Island- even worse. I'm about 20 min from Providence. The settings of his stories are very familiar, minus the monsters. Though the fog sometimes has me fooled.

"I've also encountered many hippies who were confrontational, militant, and extremely judgmental."

Well, the hippies I've known in Maine are a gentler type it seems. Sure, some are stuck up "more granola than thou art" types who compare their organic goodness like penis sizes. They're just annoying, but not mean. I've never had a hippie raise his/her voice to me or anything.

I've found they are the most angry when protest war, and even then they just shout catchy sayings and beat their bongos really hard... block traffic with bikes in hopes of getting arrested. Maybe the whiny types don't go to protests enough. Yeah, they're super judgmental in my experience, but they also are pretty live and let live too. They let me have my pizza as long as they have their cheeseless, meatless bread and sauce. More pizza for the rest of us.

It's the fat people in those electronic wheelchairs you got to watch out for. And belligerent homeless/mentally ill people. And crazy perverts.

"I love the sun. When it's springtime in Portland, I go for long walks everyday through my favorite neighborhoods."

Springtime in Portland, Maine is part of Mudseason. By May sometime (hopefully) it ends. So...

Otherwise, same here, only other Portland. That was my job last summer- getting paid to walk around Portland. People in Maine are super-friendly with the above notable exceptions. Walking around Providence or Boston in the summer- not so nice, but those will be my city options this summer.  

I intend to spend my walking time in a little place called Purgatory Chasm. No, it's not in hell, it's one town over from me in rural MA. :)

It snowed today. Yesterday was downpour, fog, and thunderstorms. Before that it was sunny with snow melting. Damn groundhog... He needs to get his act together.

"When I work hard on something that I think is grand, the reception is nowhere near the approval I'd hoped for and expected. "

I've experienced this a bunch. When you (the maker) are excited about something you've worked hard on, usually something new, it's not as awesome to the audience as it is to you.

This is because hard work = who cares except you. In art, if it didn't come easy, it shows as seeming forced. New idea = not quite figured out. Sure, the video seems mediocre to you because it's an old song and dance for you and you didn't give pints of blood to make it.

It just flowed in a spontaneous, raw, and real way. Things can be overthought and overprepared.

"Or maybe I shouldn't think about it so much..."

Exactly!

These things are out of your control for the most part. Just keep making stuff and what people like will sort itself out.

At least that's the philosophy I've come to. My current body of ceramic work- I get compliments from strangers all the time. When I first started working like that, I was super-excited. I knew I was onto something. People hated the first pots I made like that. I said 'well screw you' and kept working in the same vein. I got really good at it. Now it looks effortless and refined and people love it. It's still baffling. They will buy the ones that I think are ugly and pass over my favorites. All art (visual, writing, etc.) is just like that.

I'm sorry I didn't express how funny the video is. You have that surface ego with insecurity underneath thing going. It fools me. I think you know how good you are and only pipe up a bunch to burst your bubble when something isn't as good as you think. Sorry about that. I thought it was good enough to send along a link to a friend who I thought would enjoy it, and I'm so not a forwarding funny stuff kinda gal.

I understand your mail issues... the UPS and FedEx people are the worst. I've tried leaving notes, calling... USPS will at least deliver to my P O box. If I can get UPS to just leave it, chances are they will leave it in the yard. Stairs are super complicated to operate.

I hope you will be back to posting on a regular basis soon. Until then, buy yourself that grow lamp or whatever it is these people are telling you to get.

Whip out the ol' Katarina & the Waves single and wait for better times.

I thought staring at walls for hours on end was something creative people do...

Rory,

You are welcome to move to Florida. Not too many hippies here! Of course we do have some but they are scattered and cluster around the "University" here. Quotes because that is a bit of a stretch since the "University" does not give out grades. I mean sheesh! No grades???!!! How is someone supposed to measure how well they did compared to other people in the class without grades??! And how do you tell who the douchebag in the class that gets the highest grades? Completely pointless in my opinion. But I digress. Stay away from the "University" and you should be just fine here in Sarasota, Florida.

Oh and it is mostly sunny in Florida except when we have several large town-wiping-out hurricanes. Besides that it is a great place to live.

Haga a amigos con México...
http://weather.yahoo.com/forecast/MXOA0069_f.html

Hm, I don't see many hippies in the apathetic hedonistic suburbs of Kansas City, but back when I considered myself hippy, we were not nearly as annoying as all that.  Hippies have gone weird, man.  None of us had dreads back then.  But then again you're not supposed to trust anybody over 30, so since I'm the Man now, what the hell do I know.

Rory, you're a comedic genius.  I look forward to the re-emergence of the awesomness we refer to as Rory.  Take it easy.