Morale's been down in the Roryverse this week. Dunno why. To combat it, I'm posting something warm and squishy. Full of love. And... squishy. Warm squishy. Squish squish.

Squish squish squish.

I didn't sleep much last night. Ignore me.

Squish squish. Warm squishy. Warm squishy squish.

That's enough of that. I shall now to the meat of this writing event.

I've been hanging out with "new" people lately.

I have friends I've known my whole life. Some I've known for most of it. A few I've known for half of it. A couple I've known for 8/32ths of it. Maybe a handful I've known for 1/4938th of it. I'd have to check my log for exact numbers, but these will serve for the purposes of this online web editorial article posting.

I love those friends, but we're well past the getting-to-know-you phase. I generally know what they're going to say before they say it, or at least how they're going to respond to various stimuli. When you get that close to people, you lose some spontaneity. It's also no longer a challenge to hurt their feelings. I like being challenged, and I really like to hurt people's feelings, so you can see the problem here.

Still, that familiarity isn't a bad thing in my world. There's comfort to it. My own family is sort of completely, utterly, and totally screwed up. I don't feel like I belong to my family. It's weird for me to be around them - sometimes uncomfortable. I don't think we Get each other, and I feel especially strongly that my parents don't Get me.

I've responded to this by building family from spare parts. I have siblings and parental figures. The closest one - definitely a cross between a sister and a mother - just moved to Switzerland, and it's been hard on me. I miss her. She went over there to get her PhD in cryptography and also in ditching her friends. She's selfish.

I love shows like Firefly and Battlestar Galactica because family is essentially what they're about. I think of close groups of non-blood relations such as those in Firefly and BSG as "found family". It just happens that you grow close and come to rely on each other the way you think a family should. In both cases, it's inevitable because's everybody's stuck in these big metal things floating through space. You can't get away from each other, so you're forced to relate and hang out and fight and stuff. You can't just go out for a stroll. There's a lot of stuff in space, but chances are you're nowhere near it. Even if you are near it, something about it would probably kill you. Radiation, corrosives in the atmosphere, aliens who might be as violent as humans... space is a dangerous place, and no matter how dangerous your own family is, you at least have a fighting chance if you stay in your big floaty metal thing.

Anyway.

Great as having close friends is, I need new people in my life every so often. It's that "If you aren't busy being born, you're busy dying" thing.

I've met so many people in recent years. So, so, so many. Of those many people, though, I only got to know a few. There's an enormous difference between acquaintances, friends, and close friends. Close friends are what I want most, but I don't have many.

To fix this, I'm finding close friends among these "new" people. It's quite pleasant.

I've been spending a lot of time with one in particular. She isn't just a new friend, but also new to the Pacific Northwest, having moved here from North Carolina. I've been showing her around town, and by introducing her to the things Portland has to offer, I've gotten to see Portland from a different perspective. Having lived here so long, I forget about all the fabulous things in this town.

Of greater benefit is that, as we've gotten to know each other, I've learned about myself in addition to her. I have thoughts floating around in my noggin on a daily basis that have been present for years. They're a sort of code by which I live my life. Thinking about them is so automatic now that I hadn't thought to share them with anyone until last week.

We spent the day together, cruising through the hills in the auto, and dining in the evening.

We've had a few Life Talks - morality, beliefs, and such. In the course of these talks, some of the most important thoughts running around in my head came out for the first time. She found these thoughts interesting - maybe even useful if I may be allowed one brief moment of egotism among the years of humility I've exhibited here and elsewhere.

At a party Sunday night, I was chatting with a couple ladies about similar things - morality, beliefs, the way humans treat each other... it was another lovely conversation among the others.

I shared The Rory Code with them, and they seemed to find it interesting as well.

Same goes for Tony. I hung out with Tony, and I totally shared The Rory Code, and it BLEW HIS MIND. He's been at home all week, crouched in the corner, cradling his head in his hands, sobbing, telling people to go away, sobbing more, and ramming his face into the wall. The amazingness of The Rory Code was too much for him. It might be too much for you. I don't know. I wake up to the blinding light of genius every afternoon, so it's not a big deal for me.

Based on how well received The Rory Code has been, I've chosen to share it here. I think it's awesome. Hopefully you'll get something out of it as well. Probably an aneurysm. If you have any doubt about your ability to accept without injury this awesomeness, then take it slowly. If you feel nauseous, place your head down between your legs and wait for the moment to pass. If it's hot out and you've been sweating and you haven't washed your pants in three weeks, DON'T DO THIS - just wait it out.

There are three (3) main components of The Rory Code. Before writing them out, you should know that I've failed in all of them repeatedly. This code isn't compulsory. It's a goal. I try to live by these values, and, in trying, come closer to succeeding to live by them than I otherwise would.

And, despite my usual flippant tone, I take this stuff seriously. I have a hard time with serious, and I try to dilute it with irreverence.

Whatever.

Aight.

---- The Rory Code ----

#1: Don't hurt anybody

There's a handful of readers who've been on the receiving end of my failure to abide by this one. Like anybody, I'm insecure, and that insecurity can present itself in many ways. One way is to hurt others. Preemptive strikes are common. If I think someone is going to hurt me, I'll try to hurt them first.

There are plenty of other reasons I've hurt - and will hurt - others. Some reasons, I think, are justified, but I've done terrible things.

I've carried tons of guilt and shame for it. In 2006/2007, I came down to Portland repeatedly. I brought a list of the people I'd wronged during my insane phase as a druggie. I went around and apologized to each person. I didn't expect forgiveness - it was just something I had to do.

Afterward, I continued to feel that guilt and shame. I've learned since that hanging on to those emotions doesn't do anything good. They're to be learned from and then left. The guilt wrecked me. I isolated myself because I thought I was incapable of forming friendships and relationships without ruining part of someone else's life.

Through counseling and healthy interactions with others, I've learned that Sober Rory is quite a bit different from Druggie Rory. That's a good thing.

What I've also learned is that...

#2: These things happen

I can't change the past. I can apologize as much as I'd like (or to the limits of the patience of the person to whom I'm apologizing), but it doesn't change what I've done.

For years, I've used the phrase "These things happen" to deal with unfortunate outcomes that can't be undone. It's not just about hurting people - it can be about dropping a weight on your foot or burning your toast. It's about anything you can't change, and particularly the things you might dwell on, but where dwelling solves nothing.

Up until a couple years ago, if someone insulted me, I'd respond... well, poorly. If someone in a car flipped me off because I did something as horrendous as signal before changing lanes in front of them in a perfectly legal manner, I'd do whatever it took to effect a direct confrontation. I wound up in situations that could have gotten me pounded. I got in yelling matches with guys who could've picked me up, tied me in a knot, squished that knot into a ball, and rolled me down the street into a busy intersection. Or eaten the ball. Many of these guys looked like they ate people. They just had "that" look.

I still have that not-gonna-back-down attitude (some of you who were present for the Rory vs. Ballmer thing in '06 might know what I'm talking about (as will some of you who were present for the Rory vs. Ballmer thing in '04)). The difference is that, now, I don't let it consume me.

I used to leave these matches feeling unsatisfied and even more desirous of fisticuffs. Arguments would continue in my head for days. I would punch random objects out of anger. I've reduced a few things (walls, floors, houses) to their basic molecular components with repeated beatings. I was filled with rage.

Now, I don't let it happen. The anger appears, I recognize it, and then I move on. It's sunny outside right now and there are gorgeous girls walking around. Why would I want to be anything but appreciative of things? And it's not like I ever achieved a satisfactory resolution when I attempted to through indulging in that anger. The anger went nowhere. Worse than that, I intensified it by focusing on it, and it never got out entirely. It stayed with me.

I still have a difficult time getting past some events, but I've changed my life by accepting that "These things happen."

And that's invaluable because...

#3: Life is for living

I first had this thought... I don't even know how long ago. A decade? More?

How many times have you heard someone ask, "What's the meaning of life?"

I've been drawn into that discussion over and over and over and over...

People get so caught up in ideas. They assume that, because a question can be asked, it has an answer.

This question in particular is a great offender. Asking what the meaning of life is implies that there is one. If there is, what is it? When you figure it out, the question will be validated. Until then, it's like asking, "What's the meaning of dirt?"

People want these answers. They want for there to be a point to life. They want a reason.

It's like blame. My mother needs to assign blame. Even for something like tripping and twisting your ankle. If my foot catches on a turned-up corner of a rug and I fall, then some idiot must have left it that way, and that idiot needs to be burned alive.

The truth is that These Things Happen. Who knows why the rug was like that. If it was someone who did it, the person likely had no intention of causing injury to anyone. There's no blame to be assigned. It just happened. That's it. That's the end of it.

But people want reasons for things, and they want to put the responsibility on someone else. They don't want to believe that senseless crap happens and that it sucks and that there's nothing to be done and no satisfaction to be had.

My paternal grandmother died late last year. She had a systemic infection from surgery on her leg. That infection certainly contributed to her death, but she was already dying. Nobody meant for the infection to happen. To the contrary, people work very hard to prevent these things from happening. But she had rheumatoid arthritis - an autoimmune disease - and she simply couldn't fight off infections. Even a cold put her life in danger.

There were many things that contributed to her death, but in a recent conversation with my father, he blamed the infection and the surgeons for her death. I understand why he felt that way. It's natural to want a reason for a death. Nobody wants for death to Just Happen. It seems senseless. It is senseless, but that's just how the universe works. There's no meaning to death. It happens to everybody. Your chances of dying are 100%, and it's likely you'll die through no fault of your own, and through no fault of anyone else.

Still, people want reasons.

I should say that other people want reasons. I'm actually not all that big on the reason thing. I don't need reasons. In my world, the universe has no intent. The turned-up rug has no intent. Things don't happen for some grand cosmic purpose. They just happen.

There are few places, then, where this is more clearly illustrated than in the "What's the meaning of life?" question.

There's no answer. Life doesn't have meaning. It just Is. That's all. And that's enough, by the by, if you think about it. Life is amazing. The universe is amazing. If you want a profound spiritual experience sometime, find someone who owns a telescope, head out to the middle of nowhere and look at Jupiter or Saturn. When you realize the immensity of the universe - how small you are in comparison - there's an awe that's indescribable. You're part of something so much larger than yourself. Even I have to admit that there's much more space in the universe than is needed for storage of my ego.

I don't want an answer to "What is the meaning of life?" How utterly dull. I prefer looking at all the astounding crap happening around me and being in constant wonder about it. Right now, for example, it blows my mind that I'm a complicated sack of chemicals typing out a message to be read by other sacks of chemicals, and that I'm doing so through a medium created by many other sacks of chemicals.

In Rory's world, there is no answer to the meaning of life question. The question is irrelevant.

As I said, life just is. You can waste your time and your one life on this planet navel-gazing about the universe and existence and associated intent, but you'll never come up with a meaningful answer. What's likely is that the question simply doesn't make sense - we're just used to thinking that it can be answered if we try hard enough.

So, when I was much younger, I ran out of patience with that stupid question. When that happened, the phrase popped into my head:

Life is for living.

That's it.

Because of that thought, I've packed a lot into a short time. I've treated my life like an experiment. See what I can do. Be myself - don't bend to the pressure to wear, say, jeans that aren't ridiculously tight. And, just so you tight-jeans-haters know, I was getting cash at an ATM a few days ago when this cute girl came up behind me, slapped me on the ass, and told me that I looked quite fetching in my denim. Would I have had that experience if I wore pleated khakis the way everybody else in business does? I don't think so.

Like the other elements of The Rory Code, I don't do a good job living by this one, but I try. It reminds me to keep on pushing. If you have ambitions but don't try and take risks, you'll never get anywhere. If you wait for things to happen, you'll be disappointed. You'll come-to sometime in the distant future, and you'll reel in horror at the recognition of the sad fact that you didn't accomplish what you wanted because you expected someone else to come along and offer it to you.

My career got kicked off for the most part when I crashed a party on the roof of a hotel in LA. I was looking for Carl Franklin and Mark Dunn. I was a fan of .Net Rocks, and all I wanted was to tell them. It was important to me. They took the normally stuffy community of business and turned it into something fun. By extension, my own life became more fun, and, for that, I was thankful enough that it was necessary that I tell them in person.

Nobody up there knew who I was, but because of that one meeting, I wound up being interviewed by them, and went on to co-host the show not long after. The visibility provided by the show led to being noticed by Microsoft, and that led to some of the most interesting work I'll have ever done, and it began with a risk.

If you're stressing out over something petty, or if you spend more time angry than neutral and you don't have a piece of shrapnel embedded in your frontal-lobe, then ask yourself: "Is this what I want to do with my one life?"

Live is for living.

That's all.

Happy weekend, you bunch of freeloading scumbags.

Give me your money so I can spend it on drugs teaching the children to sing: