Hi, there.

Rory here.

As the CEO of Neopoleon Company, I sometimes have to do things to ensure that I don't go completely bonkers from writing on a fairly regular basis for years on end.

My most recent strategy was something I call "stopping." Basically, to give myself a chance to rest and recharge, I stopped writing. More accurately, I stopped posting, but since you haven't seen anything I haven't posted (and if you have, we're going to have to have a little chat with the computer police), the point is moot. As far as you know, except for the fact that I just told you otherwise, I haven't written anything in a while.

I want to change that. To do so, I've employed a special writing technique I call "writing." The words you read this very moment are the product of this radical system.

"Writing" itself is part of a greater discipline I call "actually doing it instead of just talking about it."

Well, here I am, actually doing it instead of just talking about it.

During this recent hiatus, I thought long and hard about Neopoleon: Does the world need it? Does the world deserve it? Is the world even ready for Neopoleon?

The answers are:

1. Not really, no.

2. Absolutely not.

3. Is Neopoleon ready for the world?

    3a. You answered my question with a question. That's not an answer.

        3b. That's not my problem.

            3c. Well, actually, it is your problem, because I'm you.

                3d. If you're me, then what am I thinking about right now?

                    3e. An ice-cream cone.

                        3f. Drat!

In light of these factual statements, I went back to the drawing board and then threw it away because I don't use drawing boards. I use computers, and a computer is what I used to produce this update on the state of Neopoleon Company, and particularly the ways in which Neopoleon Company operates in an eco-friendly manner.

Unless you've actually been reading it, you'd know that Forbes Magazine named Neopoleon Company one of the top five companies in the WORLD for ecological friendliness. We're so friendly with ecology that it's pregnant.

Whatever Neopoleon Company may have done to bring about the current state of the US economy, you can't say we aren't passionate about high-fiving spotted owls and then relocating them to pet shops after bulldozing their homes just for the sheer fun of it.

What follows is true information about Neopoleon Company.

If at any time while reading you have a question about the presented literature, close your eyes, count to five, and then punch yourself in the face - the question should be gone by the time you regain consciousness.

---- Neopoleon Company and the Environment: Sitting in a Tree ----

As professional resource users, we at Neopoleon Company understand the importance of clean, renewable energy such as petroleum and coal, and we've taken great pains to share this with both our staff and the Neopoleon Company community at large.

We believe that accountability starts at the top, so we've instituted a number of corporate policies to help clearcut the dark, musty wood of outdated energy thinking and pave the way for a better, cleaner tomorrow - today!

A few examples of just how serious we are in our commitment to the environment:

- The Neopoleon Company building is made entirely out of asbestos and mercury, two extremely dangerous materials that would otherwise be poisoning children and fish if we hadn't taken them off the streets when we did.

- Because of our interest in these materials, we've been working with local governments to institute recycling programs for asbestos and mercury. If you live in an area where the services cannot be offered, you will be provided an alternative where craftsmen go door-to-door, causing people brain damage and giving them cancer the old fashioned way.

- The first and third Tuesdays of every month are "blackout days" during which no electricity is used anywhere in the building. Employees still put in full 10 hour days, and productivity is generally unaffected. Actually, sometimes it's higher!

- We have an onsite generator, powered only by the burning of plastic bags and manatee blood. Last month we were able to handle a full sixtieth of our weekly power requirements with Old Smoky, saving us over $15 after taxes and giving untold numbers of threatened, at-risk marine species a new lease on life (some species, however, refused to sign the lease, and had to be exterminated).

- No employee parking, plus no bike racks, divided by no access to public transportation, equals everybody walks to work! Have you ever been thanked by your heart and future generations at the same time? It's a good feeling. A Neopoleon feeling.

- Our building offers neither heating nor insulation, driving home the harsh realities of climate change and its impact on human activities.

- We understand that every child born, no matter how genetically perfect or well behaved, is just another hungry mouth vying for teat-time on our beleaguered Mother Earth. We therefore offer financial incentives to employees who participate in our Mandatory Team Member Sterilization Program, and discriminate against "breeders" to the full extent of the law.

- The Neopoleon Company Private Harrier Jump-Jet has the highest fuel economy in its class, and is rarely used for trips of less than five miles each way.

---- Our Commitment Doesn't Stop at the Word "Us" ----

As good as it feels to be doing our part here at home, we realize that resource depletion is a global problem, and that global problems need global solutions, and that global solutions need global efforts, and that global efforts need global thinking, and that global thinking means we need to outsource almost everything we do. It is therefore only natural that we should look to our nation's leading scientists for answers to these totally unrelated questions:

- What is energy?

- Can we have some?

We at Neopoleon believe that the key to responsible energy consumption is not the wanton development of strange new technologies like "wind" and "solar" but rather the continued extraction of energy from existing sources like desert, rainforest, and whale.

---- An Excuse Can Still Be a Good Justification ----

Why is this such a good idea? For starters, the infrastructure is already in place. Who wants to perform surgery on a perfectly healthy man? If even just 10% of US car owners switched over to hybrid electric autos this year, not only would every gas station in North America be forced to add an awkward, costly new "hybrid" pump, but the entire interstate highway system would have to be torn up and repoured from scratch. (And this is to say nothing about the cost per gallon of "hybrid" at the time of this dispatch.)

But it ultimately comes down to our children and whether or not we have the courage to make them Priority Number One. Neopoleon Company says we do. Nobody benefits from a free ride, and coming generations will, by definition, be far more resourceful if we have the strength to deny them petroleum now while we still can. In turn, their children - and their children's children (see earlier note about the Neopoleon Company breeding program) - will stride confidently into the 22nd century, meeting challenge after challenge with the sharp eyes and steady hands of a generation that burns clean and doesn't know the meaning of the word "can't" or where their own country is on a map.

---- A Path to Follow ----

As a shareholder, you're probably asking yourself these questions right now:

1. Shouldn't we [Neopoleon Company]  be off making money instead of making the world a better place?

2. How does a company keep up this kind of caring momentum?

The answers are simple and should put to rest any concerns you may have:

1. Yes. I mean... yeah. Obviously. Of course. Duh.

2. Hire Bono.

As you've no doubt already computed, the best way to steer Neopoleon Company back toward profitability is to hire Bono to take on the charity work for us. That way we can focus on the details of running a business while contracting out our philanthropy work to an Irish rock star for a meager bundle of dough, the amount of which we'll disclose when you subpoena (bring it on).

If you don't know him, Bono is the rock and roll musical singer man who, blindfolded, stepped out in front of the out of control semi-truck called "Africa" on the Highway of Justice. There he whipped out his hollow-body electric guitar and rocked until he exorcised the demons from the land. Some say you can put your ear to the ground there and still hear the sound of a distorted E chord followed by the whimpers of the devil hisself.

Now he will do the same for Neopoleon Company's ecological initiatives.

Bono's first assignment for us is to go play a series of concerts at loggers throughout Oregon's coastal range forests. If he meets with any resistance, we've given him permission to turn it up to 11.

We're serious about sending the logging companies a message, and with Bono representing, that message is going to go something like this [falsetto]:

Lemon

See through in the sunlight

She wore lemon

But never in the daylight

She's gonna make you cry

She's gonna make you whisper and moan

When you're dry

She draws the water from the stone

This is a job Bono was obviously born to do.

On that note, the Neopoleon Company PR Team would like to call it a night, but before doing so, leave you with this summary:

- Neopoleon Company is committed to investigating profits for 2008/2009

- Neopoleon Company is more dedicated than ever to being committed to investigating those profits

- Neopoleon Company has hired Bono

We just looked at our map, and it would appear that Neopoleon Company is sailing straight into the Land of Good and Plenty.

How can we lose?

We can't!

From all of us here at Neopoleon Company, thank you for your continued support.

[All Neopoleon Company employees may now rise and sing the company anthem "Cross Your Fingers and Shred the Evidence"]